Around midnight!

So i was listening to jazmine sullivan and she has this song called round midnight. its funny because its midnight and not only that but memories really do start when it comes around that time. its like they just pour into my head and i start to think about exactly what i was doing so long ago at this time and boy oh boy i was doing a lot whether it was crying, laughing, joking around, coping with the present, having long talks on the phone. its so0o confusing the way life is. i find it so weird that when you really are having fun time flies so fast and when you are having that fun what can you do ya no... i constantly think of what could i do if i didnt want this perfect night to end but it has to then the next day is a nightmare. i wonder why that happens? 16 and pregnant is very good i think it reaches out to a lot of pregnant teens that need guidance in a way or teens that are on the verge of having kids. those kids that are born around this time are going to be a huge generation. i hope their lives are way better then our generation because we are all directed in the wrong pathway to0o me! haha well anyways this upcoming weekend i have to work at dsw and i am going to kings dominion with my friend dsean and his family it should be fun i cant wait actually. i havent been there in a long while!!! haha but i guess this is about it im getting pretty darn tired and i have to take my mom to work in the morning idk when is the next time i will post something but hopefully soon!!!!

mistakes or just the wrong person?

Ok so this has really been bugging me for a long period of time! How is it that everyone that i have ever been with is happily taken and im stuck still in the single pool?! seems like it took them noe time but me on the other hand im still awaiting my prince charming! I mean what do i do that makes me remain single for so long? im thinking should i change but i was getting my hair done today and the lady that does my hair said something so important today that i couldnt let it slip my mind. ive noticed that sense i have changed i havent did nothing but mess up mess up mess up. finally i know the reason because how can i be someone im not obviously im not suppose to be like this because if i was i think i would see things way more clearer then i see now. It is pretty blurry from what i see... when i was the regular antoinette my life was on diamonds and pearls now that i have changed to this little alter ego "nette fierce" or "nette" i havent had any good luck ive had days were they are the best but that next day will be the worst?! i wonder why that happens because im being who i am not. the real me is way far from what i am now. Antoinette enjoys writing, being in love, talking on the phone for hours rather then texting, wearing whatever is comfortable and not trying to impress the next eye, being at home and not worrying about anything, cheering, not having to work for my happiness and ive always said that until i changed. the sad part about this all is that i cant go back i have to continue to move forward, but maybe i can start being me just in an improved mature way... i will only have happiness if i am me and not pretending to be someone else.... although i dont ever pretend to be someone else i just try to change myself into someone that is so0o different and now i see i need to just take myself as i am. have you ever felt like you have been making too many mistakes in life? well maybe god has shown you the message already its not regrets its not silly careless mistakes its just that the way you are or have become maybe isnt a way he wants you. i guess from now on i will do my best to stop becoming someone im not... hope you can do the same.....

Whats on my mind 6/24/2009

So0o on this glorious hot day i had a lot of down time to just think about a lot. For starters as usual boys!!! haha why do they treat us the way they do right? In my opinion i believe that all the good ones are either gone or dead. My aunts and uncles steady tell me all the time that by the time I'm older i will not get married and even if i do it will be to the wrong person and most likely divorce will be the biggest factor for my generation!! why is that? i guess because now and days boys are seeing that why tie down to 1 and not have them all. It's like us girls don't have any control anymore. we want happiness but we only seek it in him and he does give it to us but for a temporary time. Why do we allow boys to control that we know all the quotes and all the rules etc.. but we still tend to let things ride?! i guess its because we feel like we have know choice which in adults case they all sometimes don't but us girls do... idk its so confusing in this world of sin... but on better news i am finally 17 yay rated R movies haha not a little girl anymore one more year and i will be 18 and a graduated student from high school!!! yess well anyway i have been going to the beach like almost every day and i have completely turned black haha i mean that's not bad but i loved my skin color haha but yeah. and i love my friends they are all still here as usual although girls can get urrrgh toward each other but its okay!! and i have a new job at dsw shoes i love it although there is a theft there! but I'm like in shoe heaven when i work there I'm gladly to help a customer!! but any who school is over finally and cheer is still here haha but i do need to work it its just about that time.... Well this was all i really had on my mind maybe one day i can answer the questions i say and maybe one day hopefully soon i will find a boy that stands out from the rest of them =)

What if we could relive the past?

I was just thinking like what if we could really relive the past. Like if we could do what we do on computers and just hit the back button and go back and erase it and start over! I know my past is what helped me get this far in life but what if the choices i made in my life didnt happen would my life be worst or better. I guess thats why people believe in resurrection, they just know that they may have messed up in this lifetime but god will resurrect us in a world will no more pain nor outcry would even be discovered. Now is that a world that we want? i pretty much wouldnt mind if i didnt have to cry at all thru life but how could i let the steam or pain i have go but then that when no more pain comes in so i guess that goes hand in hand. It seems like to me i rush things so much and dont realize how much time i have at least hypothetically speaking. I always say i want this and want that but i dont never think that im maybe not ready for that or better yet maybe it came i just didnt realize it. I swear i love my family seems like without them i would be an emotional wreck just for no reason! Its so many things in this world that we all cant put our finger on but like we always say in DUE time it will come and i no trust i hate waiting and its crazy because they say when you want something go out and get it but what if we go and get it its not what we need or better yet we wait for something for so long and it wasnt even what we wanted... its so much to be solved at least to me...

Its the way life goes i assume!

In my opinion we forget the main thing of our lives... Its ours, we shouldnt give anyone our all if so at least a portion reason being is because although you may think that person is your number one but really he is the last one... when you give a boy your all you come back short of yourself ask someone who knows which is me! They tell us that the perfect ending of life is to have a husband/wife and kids a nice big house and then your life is fulfilled why has that changed lately? you rarely see the ending like that anymore its more single parent households and trust they have given someone their all and now they have nothing... i have seen a woman come from having everything going to nothing its crazy how love is so blind... Say you fall in love with this boy that you think is so magnificent your friends say he is great for you then some say he isnt but you just care about you two. he tells you everything you want to hear " i love you baby", "you are so beautiful"," no other girls are like you"... and many more where that came from but the ultimate one is " i will never leave you". thats the one that kills alot they say they will be there forever and ever and never leave you... back on track so this boy is your dreams yeah you guys get into little fights but who doesnt right? its just normal little arguements... you go through his phone yeah he has a few texts from girls but they will never be you , he tells you once again he will never leave you you are his rock hahah.... (i just have to laugh cause this is so real) but then one day he doesnt pick up your phone calls and he doesnt call you all day so you begin to think maybe something is wrong with his phone because he couldnt be doing nothing else he loves me .... well the first thing in a relationship should always be trust if you dont have that you dont have anything oh you trust him alright but if he isnt answering your phone calls and not texting you back your mind does start to wonder what if this and what if this but you trust him so he couldnt be with no girl well sorry he is... who is faithful now and days? i have went across about a million of them and they say oh cheating is childish etc etc well obviously it isnt if you just can cheat on any girl oh they care about our feelings some dont but there are a select few... So he is with this girl and some girls are evil and they say " what ya girl have to do with me" trust its alot of them out there... (girls if a boy is in ah relationship leave him alone) anyways so he will most likely not even tell you unless its one of those truthful boys which will tell you the truth he want another girl which in a way is the perfect way of letting you go easily and there is nothing that we can do girls as much in our power we want them to be with us we cant hold on to something that doesnt want to be held on to!!! we cant have the whole cake and eat it too... Unfortuantely some girls have it the other way and can control their happiness but for the ones like me that have noe choice but to keep trucking it i believe the advice will be very useful.... As you can see i have written about it i have done something about it (exhale) and now i believe i can help others that have been through the samething i have i think i have been through it all if not i would hate to go through worst!!! but it took me so very long i broke up with this boy 2007 it is now 2009 and i finally can say its over and done with he has moved on and so have i although he has a girlfriend etc and im single we are still on the same page if not higher? but the moral of this post is to stop allowing boys to rule your happiness and if things arent going in your favor the person to turn to is god! seems as though he will have the better answer thats how i put it and see it... There is way more witht this comes from

4/13/2009 whats on my mind

Get ready for your blessing... Rip cousin james i just left new jersey sunday it was a very nice funeral havent been to one that was well put together like that one!!! but in greater news i have been having some great days and some are coming that are even better then now... i am finally focused on me ugh its been long enough and the only way i can keep it this way is if i stick my nose out of everything else so thats what ima do... but on my mind tonight is ring dance once again its approaching very quickly i have my dress now finally cant wait to reveal it its so pretty at least on me!!! hahah and hmm friends are on my mind jeeze they are all a pain in the butt, but oh well cant live without them as well as boys omg i never knew boys could become pest jeeze they bug me more then bugs outside and it is annoying leave me alone jeeze! its my life dont you forget hahah!! uhm but then again they arent all pest some bring joy not saying any names =)... but work ugh i have to tommorow i had a nice break from it and now i have to go in tommorow hopefully im working with ppl i care for so it will make it go quicker!!! Also i cant wait til this ring dance is over cause i am missing out on some serious shopping omg seems like all my dimes are going straight to that and i dont have any to spend to shop it is definably killing me... oh and omg this teen crime stuff omg i wish teens would grow up and understand that killing eachother dont make you cool at all what the heck like so many teens keep dying and its sad if its not car crashes its gun downs... get a hobbie and not killing people jeeze rip isiah and kadeem jeeze... also this sexting that the news is going crazy about girls come on if they cant wait to see it in person dont send it just imagine how a text gets to another person it goes through the company first imagine millions of ppl looking at your body im not saying im a saint but you learn from your actions in my opinion... and omg im scared for my life there has been 3 fires in my neighborhood within nine days im terrified to leave home without my valuable belongings ugh!!! but anywho other then all that i believe that is it for tonight peace and love nette

whats on my mind (3/29/09)

Oh man i have wrote anything lately due to me moving... Anyhow landstown is doing well just worrying about myself as usual and my friends! they say i have changed so much but i believe i just matured... Wow so alot has been on my mind like ring dance which landstown's is april 25 which it sounds far away but its closer then you think... Im growing up so fast and i cant even slow it down if i tried just gotta live everyday how it is... But also that very subject has been on my mind yes.... Love & relationships... I been single for a good two going on three months and boy am i lonely lol. Seems like all the people i come across arent worth my time and even if they are they can never stay... I just want someone that will drift me off my feet and thats all he doesnt have to have all the money in the world he definely doesnt have to be prince charming but here and there i just want to be treated like a queen rather then just any other girl which i know alot of girls can relate... Seems like all the good ones are pretty much either taken or gone... Sometimes i ask myself am i asking for to much in a boy but then i think actually im asking for too little and its not even fair. I may be a brat sometimes and a little on the spoiled side but i have learned that if nobody else will get it then i will go out and get it myself but the only thing that that doesnt apply to is boys.. I may see a boy i am so interested in but i will not go up to him and talk to him instead i tell a friend and thats it. So really i never get exactly what i want but god gives us what we need and not what we want so its very understandable but another thing that has been on my mind is work (finishline) omg is it not kicking my butt work is so stressful but i choose to deal with it because it shows independence as well as i am a licensed teen heck yeah! but thats about it i guess... i hadnt wrote in ah while so i thought to update you all and i see people do really look and read my page thanks for the support....