Happiness!

Hello!!! So lately i have been terribly busy either with my debutante stuff or school, club or work or at least trying to get a few hours of sleep and still have a life. I have been doing good lately but, in 3 weeks my cotillion will be here can't wait march 13,2010 and all that will be over but i will still have school work my club. Anyways hmm relationship life still the same except it's not dull anymore. I at least have someone to talk to at night =) but we are just friends so that kinda defeats the purpose but I'm not even trying to be into a relationship anymore i need to focus on ME?! So I'm feeling okay at this point so maybe i will find a quote about happiness today...
"Being Happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"-Unknown
So this was the first quote i saw and i just thought about people i know that go through the worst things life could give and at the end of the day they are still smiling whether if its real or not. imperfections is the world everyone uses because god did not make any of us perfect for a reason! We are all made to make a difference in his world and by trying to be perfect you will fail in so many aspects such as self acceptance. I am pretty sure there are a thousands things you would love to change such as your shape, your hair, your skin color, your appearance etc etc. We have to learn to just say its "OKAY". Looking at the celebrities are nothing but trouble. All of them are not perfect in fact TV can do so many things to you such as enhance your skin color or make you look a certain way when your one 4'11 and totally dull. I will keep this short and simple though , happiness is not about looking a certain way because happiness is not on the outside it is in the inside so when you finally find that in your self that is when you can at the end of the day be happy with someone else same as love you can not love anyone until you love yourself first "UNCONDITIONALLY". Be blessed Goodnight =)

Check and Balance....

So I'm so sorry for not writing for so long i recently moved and we haven't gotten Internet yet. Things have been so-so i guess nothing is perfect, then again will anything ever be perfect?Life is just going to be life regardless of what cards you play what morals you live by what you do or say... I learned that a long time ago but just had faith that maybe it could come. Everyday i feel like i have a thousand blessings starting with god waking me up in the morning... Guess you cant be greedy when you don't have anything at all.. One thing i have been noticing is that what you want may never come but what you want is always there... True statement because there are so many things i want but the chances of them actually coming to me are slim to none. I thirst for this year to be good and it will be good you cant judge your present circumstances on the future so i say that i just chill and relax?! On the other hand hmm relationships still not for me. Nobody really is catching my eye to be worth all the trouble. People are in and out of my life that i cant commit to anyone but starting something new is always better. Which is always a great start! I love the way how school is going except my exams they are a total blur. Social life uhh... I haven't been very social because i haven't really felt the need I'm graduating soon no time to start new friendships nor rekindle old ones. I have lost a few though because you have to put your best foot forward when thinking of the people you want in your life... One thing i still long for to this day is a great companionship. It is so funny because 3 years straight i have been single on valentines day =( i just call it single day maybe there will be hope for next year i guess who's to say what will happen in a few days though maybe i will have a valentine?!!? Anyways lets get on to the business =)....
"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give"-Sir Winston Churchill... Wow its funny because Steve Harvey was just talking about this exact thing this morning except he said it spiritually. When you make someone else successful you are making yourself successful... If you do unto people people will do unto you. I love helping people i don't know if it is in my blood or i am just a natural care giver of people i love watching my godson for some reason he shows me a peace of mind that i can never find in myself. I love writing it gives a sense of release from anything of what i am feeling. I love to give back not just because i may receive something in return but it makes me feel better . Like i worked at the food bank some weeks ago and i swear i just didn't want to leave because i felt so good to help homeless people... Its just like when you give back to the community you are giving back to a great life... I love when people do things that i can always question and say why and then i can tell them i have done the same years ago. Life is just so much... Giving back is so much that you don't want to stop. If you go out and get what you want you will only get a limited of what you really want but if you give out you will receive more then you ever gave. Its like a balance system. You do only for yourself and your only going to get what you do for yourself in return and you do for others and they will be in open arms to things back to you and for you. Though don't just do things that you think oh well i will get this dollar back or 20 back think as if you will never get it back think about it like that person or church needed that dime way more then you did... Check and balance yourself and your giving, they will definitely pay off one day... Quote from quotationspage.com

LOVE....

WOOOOOOO. I learned another important part of life. No matter how many people dislike you or do like you or love you.. You should always love them in return. We are only human, we are accustom to making mistakes and doing things that we will regret tomorrow. Nobody is perfect!!! Jesus is love and will always be. There are only going to be 3 people in the whole entire world that can give you unconditional love. God, your mother and father. They have no choice but to love you. Life is taken so lightly, we are giving all this time on earth to do only one thing in life, figure out who is god... Do you know God? I wont get into all of that but the basics is we all don't know what the true meaning of love is until we find it with Jesus and ourselves!!! I just figured out today that i never have been in love!!! When i read each sentence i have to think to remember and then i see nothing to remember. It was kind at times, it was very much self-seeking if i wouldn't of went and figured who this person was i would of never met him. I notice that it didn't protect me, i didn't have any trust nor hope. Lastly it failed... So really i HAVE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE!!!! i never believed in tattoos because i don't like needles but this would be something i would want to wake up and read every morning these are like imprinted in my brain. I finally can understand what love is and this opened my eyes... I cant be broken hearted i cant be hurt again. I never was truly hurt, my feelings maybe, but love i was never in. Love is used so lightly and when i said it i didn't mean it .... Love cant make you do the things i did. When i exhaled i was only letting steam out, when i wrote that story i was only figuring out how people can hurt you. I have only had my feelings hurt, its so much realization that i see everyday. People say so many things but can never back them up. Friends, family, are there temporarily. Now God is there all the time. I was watching the Notebook last night, and i cried my eyes out, trying to figure out why was i crying so badly and i finally figured out why... Because i never was in love. I never felt like that towards someone where i could lay down the line for them, i could die for or with them. It hurt so badly because all these years i have been lying to myself saying i am broken hearted and i am in love but the real answer is i just never allowed god to come in my life and help me and now that he is... He has taken me back to my past and allowed me to see all the good times i have had but went to the root and showed me now if this was love would this happen... LOVE NEVER FAILS!!! Alicia Keys has a new song out saying try sleeping with a broken heart. I listen to it a lot finally realized it does not apply to me. My bed is not lonely, its just made for me only... Broken dreams, broken hearts don't apply to me... So i haven't been in a real relationship since 2007 and if it has taken me 2 1/2 years to finally realize that i have never been in love so be it... 2010 is almost here and I'm leaving 2009,2008,2007,2006 behind and looking towards MY FUTURE.... Hoping you can put yourself in my shoes and realize that maybe you had a puppy love or "young love" but you haven't found love until you realize the only people in your life that will love you unconditionally is God, Mother, Father and i never had all 3 of them in my life at once and now that i do, it feels so0o good......

On my mind 12/2

OMGGGGG.... So my meeting went great so0o happy and proud of myself... They say you cant try to change the world unless you change yourself. Just looking at all them made me want to just never leave... Like this club will make me a better person i will learn more then i know myself just by listening to other people's problems. It kind of reassures me that im not the only one that goes through the everyday mood's. Antoinette Price President of BBBSD!!! Omg just thinking like i no my grandma and grandfather are looking down on me like antoinette you did it!!! Anyways other then that everything else is okay except a few loose ends i would like to make a statement!!!! PEOPLE COME AND GO IN YOUR LIFE.... it's so funny how people take you for granted... Like i guess my intentions are not everyone elses... Haha i dont want what you have i can get much better, ugh smh when will they learn the more you are worrying about me the more im getting successful. They stare and see my success, ever since that day this person said your club will not be successful is the day i put more effort... THANKS HATER.... hahah anyways hmmm so on my mind right now is BBBSD . School is not really in my way work is though i love it to death just get tired of working at times, but thats life... So college i keep putting it on hold not good i know i guess in my free time this weekend i will start on that and by next friday they all should be in the mail! teacher recommendations and more =) ... But i believe that was my little update for the week i hope to write up here soon toodles!!!

Less then what you deserve

Omg so0o wow this whole month has been hectic beyond hectic actually just stressful. Between work school college debutante and social life i cant even believe i still have the energy at night... So i have learned a few things since the last time i wrote up here. You cannot trust anybody but your family but even then they at times can not be trusted and you were put on this earth alone and seems thats how it should be kept. Anyways friends dont even understand the defintion anymore? Relationships they are on another planet then where i am from and further more life... cant even define it for others except myself... I also learned you can give someone the biggest advice and help them out but at the end of the day you wasted your sweet breath on telling a tree to move... People are going to do what they feel although you know what's best for them at times. You have to allow people to take trial and error before they actually learn the lesson... It took me a few times to actually learn these simple rules of life and now i can share them with you all.. Anyways i found a quote from a different site and i find it very comforting for my mood tonight!!!
"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Maureen Dowd, in 'New York Times' "
So i remember when i had standards and i guess i would try to make them out as a perfect boy but i never met this person still to this day. I figured my standards were too high so i was pretty lienant and settled for way less than i deserved... I guess thats why im having to pick up on my mistakes and faults now... which is fine with me because i learn from them... Now settling for less can be a good and bad. At times settling for less can be only enough that you can get at the time, sometimes getting less can turn into recieving more... you can always get less so you can make it more ... The quote kind of jeporadizes things... I make it into my words, personal issues i will go by which is i still dont have that number one person so i have settled with beyond numerous people that were my standards... i try to go by happiness and not care about the appearance because the apperance will only hold you for so long until someone else notices it, personality is a super plus! you can go far and live with certain people just by their personality ... Style is always a must for some people but clothes do not make a person at all... Just by judging someone by the way they dress does not take you far at all... You cannot judge a book by its cover at all... Although you can tell how they keep theirselves like hygiene which is a super duper big thing you will not want to go with someone who does not appreciate their body like keep it clean eg... brushing their teeth cleaning their bodies etc. but basically like the quote says the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.....will finish tommorow!!!

Are you guys meant to be?

So i am so happy because not only have more people been interested but my life has been great as well Sunday was the best service i have heard since i have been a teen. I needed it or i wouldn't be feeling this way. Today was so great and what i prayed for god to give me strength in he gave weakness in the other =). I am not alone in this world and I'm glad... anyways this was a quote i saw on facebook, i thought it was mighty funny because i was feeling confused like i love this person so much but i could never picture being with him again.... Well here goes.... Thanks again for supporting me =)
"Just because two people are in love does not mean they are MEANT TO BE" Unknown
So i had a very big think today in my mind and i was just thinking about love and life.... Love is everywhere and there are so many kinds of love its hard not to say it... When i read this quote i had to explain myself, this is soo0o true. It is so many x's that i have that, that four letter word was used so lightly simply because once you have been in it once it does not want to end because it gives everyone that satisfaction of just breathing for a second. I was thinking about how many people i really love in this world... It is only a few but my first love i will always love him but not be IN LOVE with him for some odd reason i feel a huge gap between us. Like when we were In love i felt like i new him but now that i just have love for him i have no clue to describe him. That goes to show you people change so quickly.... My mom tells me a story all the time about my dad and how she could never be in love with simply because he hurt her so much... I think god puts us all through a lot of test with the ones we love and we will never no who passed what etc. Also i just learned this one fact. The people we want so bad but they may not want us and they push us away because we are being blinded of what we really need?! What we want is not always what we need. Say your in love with someone or you like someone and you guys argue all the time etc and you try to work it out so much but it does not click maybe god is trying to tell you something like the littlest person you would of ever thought cared the least about you may be the person your life depends on... Love & relationships are so much work.... But we were made to manage certain issues like that we need love our bodies depend on it whether it is from family friends boyfriend girlfriend... Anyways when the quote says just because two people are in love does not mean they are meant to be it is trying to tell us that it may feel right look right and even smell right but it is no where near close to what we need. Remember need goes before want. Also if your young then there is no rush in you finding that love. It may sound good and sometimes look good but it does not come with just happiness, sacrificing a lot and leaving your happiness at the door at times.... Anyways I'm so0o tired getting my hair done tomorrow yes... Plus spirit of Norfolk as well can't wait .... Have a blessed night toddles!

From Victories to the strength of another...

Well i attempted to write a few days ago but my tiredness takes the best of me... Lately as usual things seem to not go my way. I start to wonder is it a test I'm going through or is it just me putting this stress on myself. I have had the worst luck the last past two to three weeks. I hope that everything goes as planned this week because i have planned it for a while. Also seems like i need a serious change once again as usual!!! Not for anyone but myself.Anyways i didn't feel the need to get a quote but i will because i don't think i should spill every little thing out....
So wow there were so many great quotes but at this moment i choose to write about one ...
"We learn little from victory, much from defeat. - Japanese (on success and failure)"
So i learned this on my own luckily, When i win prizes or anything in life i seem to ignore the true meaning of why i won it or who helped me or even why i won it. I think because that success blinds our true thoughts. When we lose a race or anything we learn why we loss, why we could win, who and why that person won. It is so many things that we take in effect when another wins but we see clearly the reasons why we didn't as oppose to if we did. It makes us try harder and make sure we excel next time. Anyway we put it defeat overpowers a victory any day, like they say you may have won a victory but the loser won the battle. The loser puts so much effort into a race or anything but the winner just wins the victory, you may not have won the prize but you have won the reasoning.... so when they say we learn little from victory, much from defeat they are telling us that regardless if we win or not we will always prevail either we are last or 2nd defeat will teach you so many more things rather then your victory ...... Next quote
"Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)"
Bad habits bad habits, So as i sit here listening to lauryn hill "i gotta find peace of mind" She states all the wrongs he and she has done in her life and she still can find the time to say she has peace of mind. It is really hard to find peace of mind in this society because everyday you hear someone has died or passed away how can you find that peace of mind when everything or everybody is standing at the world against you? Well put it this way she has another song titled " i get out" trust me it tells you every answer, if you cant do it on your own she says his holy name!!! anyway bad habits they are very hard to get rid of very very very hard to get rid of simply because its a habit lets take smoking for example whether it is cigarettes or a drug it pulls you in where you feel the need to need it.... It is a very bad habit to say no too. I never smoked so i cant say the pleasure it gives but i can say its something that is at the top of the list of a bad habit. When you can quit cold turkey on smoking and ignore the urges to smoke i believe you have conquered the strength of a human!!! Now lets say for example i as being a girl and my habit is allowing boys to get to me... I can say that is a really bad habit because any time they feel the need to need me they call on to me and i come =( i no not good at all when i finally find the courage to break that habit i will have conquered the strength of the strong... Bad habits are such a bad addiction but we cannot help it. There are so many addictions out there in the world and the one addiction that we all need is saying our savior's name and asking him for forgiveness in the sinful world... anyways when the quote says who is strong? he that conquers his bad habits is basically saying everyone has a bad habit but when you finally find the courage to stop that addiction congratulations you have conquered the strength of the strong.... i believe this is pretty much it for tonight i had a lot on my mind to write up here and in my journal. Well have a blessed night everyone the two quotes came from wiseoldsayings.com