fatal attraction

so this was used for a english project but i decided to make it my first post cause its the longest story i have wrote despite my journals...

On this one day of dullness I was on the computer just fooling around with a silly website that many of my friends told me about. Myspace was an addiction to teens at the moment. It seemed as though it got us all off the streets and at least inside a house and safe from harms way. On October 13,2005 I clicked on this one page. A page that caught my eye very surprisingly. There he was josiah mendel, all over his page contained facts about how he was single and had been looking and waiting for that special someone. I of course wasn’t thinking of applying to that job to become that special someone, but it seems just leaving a comment with a friendly gesture started a deep conversation. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. One thing lead to another and he received my number and we talked constantly on the phone for hours and hours until this one significant day. November 19, 2005 was when we stopped talking and just begun to date. The few feelings of like became more like a few feelings of love. No type of natural relationship that I ever had in my sixteen years of life had ever occurred so quickly like this one. The more time josiah and I spent together the less it took to stress the fact that we were in love. Throughout the year joyous memories became life long pleasures. We had goals and dreams of making it through the thick and the thin. He even gave me a promise ring stating that our love was unbelievably real and that he nor I was going to leave each other. All these memories passed on by and before I knew it our one year and third month anniversary arrived. We planned on having dinner that night at one of the finest restaurants there was in town. To celebrate this wonderful occasion ,but just before that day we got into the worst argument ever. This argument put a dent in our relationship and unconditional love and turned our feelings into pure lust. I went through hell and back with this tragic lost. My heart was broken so badly that it made suicide look way to easy to fix it. I thought love was suppose to be the best thing god had for us on this mischievous and evil earth. It seemed as though I loved ,love but it didn’t love me back. Many people warned me that love wasn’t all about kisses and hugs. All the TV shows and movies made love seem so gentle and easy. Love takes time its patient, love never fails. Days and months go by and I try to believe being independent may be the cure to solve my love stroke. Not even an hour could go by that I had just hung up the phone to tell him we need to talk, but he ignores me. The sad part about it was that josiah was heartless and very selfish. He said he would never let me go, he said he loved me ,and he said many other things but followed through none of them. I felt as though he never cared for me, nevertheless did he really love me. Maybe he does love me but he just doesn’t show it. Why me, why do I have to be the one to go through this? Love I guess never lived here since it went away so quickly as it did. Love is like a knife the way it comes with no instructions but you just have to know what you are doing. Love is like a pain killer with side effects whether you survive or not, the worst thing that kills me is his rebound girl treats him so bad and he treats her as if I never existed or did I? On myspace they have pictures posted on both their pages looking into each others eyes and showing so much compassion and little does she know. She has my love, my heart in her hands and she can make or break him and I cannot even let him know how I feel inside. I write a letter to him to express all my love but still no one replies back. This lonely dreary night of June 27,2007 when I’m looking out the window and the news say it’s one of the worst storms this year and the sky seems as though its pouring my heart out and I cant cry anymore and the sound of the thunder is roaring out my anger. My heart is beating slow, my blood pressure is very low. I’m shaking as if I had just seen a ghost and if I even thought about sugar I would die from it. Is love really killing me slowly? Are these the symptoms when love has actually reached its highest level. I lay there in the chair listening to the music as it constantly repeats “don’t do it, don’t let them win”. I hear the quiet outspoken wind from the window saying “ do it, let them win”. My mind is so confused and all that is there is my shadow looking back at me from the one lit candle in the room. The wax is pouring out on the floor and the wind from the storm is trying to blow it out. The candles flame tries to stay but the wind, its to strong. As soon as the wind overpowers the candle, that other person deceased that was staring back at me right before my eyes. Here I sit with only half of a lonely heart thinking about what is going to happen if I choose the easy route. Am I even going to make it to the next day even if I tried? My energy went away, my love is gone and as I sat at the open soaked windowsill so is my dignity. I look around the dark room to see what else is there for me to live for. Who else in their right mind would want to love me. I have a broken heart, I have tattoed myself with the lies josiah has thrown at me. I have scars and I’m bleeding all over because of the pain. He now controls me physically, mentally and emotionally. I think back to when he said “ I cant wait baby to put the ring on your finger and say I do and you become all mines”. Well the finger is bruised, close to being taken off because no one can replace that spot he reserved. His love was so passionate, his kisses were so sweet, and his hugs were so warm. Although suicide was a sin, god could no longer watch me torture myself. So he knows I’m doing myself a favor and he will forgive me. All the lonely nights will disappear, the love will go away and be no more. josiah will be happy, he will miss me I know he will. When he finally realizes the love I had for him was so real it will be to late. They will already have buried my body underground. He wont be able to get to me anymore. Before I make my big decision I think back again and listen to josiah’s soft pitched voice tell me, “ love will kill you before you get over me, love will win if you don’t know how to play your cards right that’s just how strong it is.” My deck was shuffled but it wasn’t right. Love had won me over and just as he told me love will prevail. It did, sorry to all but my time is over. I leaned over to get the fluorescent lighter that stared at me with this evil glare it seemed as though it didn’t want me to touch it but I had no sympathy for myself nor the lighter I prayed and asked god that he shall direct me to his gates of heaven. I prayed for josiah to one day find his love and be happy because I know two wrongs don’t make a right so I hope he doesn’t go through the pain he put me through. I pray for the rebound girl that has the authority over him and I hope she opens her eyes and realizes that love doesn’t love anybody but itself. I pray that whomever controls that four letter word will suffer as bad as i have. Friends and family will understand that this wasn’t done because of fear it was done because of the fatal attraction of love and a boy. I will not call this a regret because I have learned from it but it is a mistake but no turning back now the lighter is ready and as I snap the knob a few times to prepare myself for the easiest route I finally snap it one more time and I let my life fade away in the flames of love.....