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On my mind 4/2/2010

Whatever happened to the true love that we always wanted... Whatever happened to the happiness we endured? Why has love become so accepted to anyone why do we use it like its just another word that has no true meaning? I was reading all my older posts and thinking maybe i had the answer for this question and i did... Times are just not how they used to be... Why stress one girl when you can have so many others vice versa... So many fish in the sea that are yet to be seen... When i tell someone i love them it is a totally different meaning from what they probably think because i have studied love felt love believed love taken it and used it as my armor... It is so much to love then seen. Boys are gonna be boys and vice versa we just may never no how life will be until we actually live it for ourselves... Anyways other then that that's on my mind prom is coming idk whats up with my date really don't even care anymore its not even worth the time anymore... If i go by myself i would be just fine.. Just ready to get prom over and then graduate i feel like I'm overdue in this high school I'm dreading waking up in the morning dreading this work i just want to graduate and then go to college I'm ready for real challenges that will change my life.. I'm ready to feel that college life live on dorms not be under my mother all the time... But guess i have to still yet to wait, also spring break is coming up finally i am using that break to relax and feel at ease and delete some of this drama and stress that i have obtained over the months years and whatever... Ready to just change my number and start over maybe around college time its about time for another change... Also hmm what else is on my mind, my job is on my mind i love it but i think that after a certain amount of time at a job i think i get fed up with it because I'm so used to change that when I'm at or with someone for a certain time i cant take it anymore... Cheers to graduation!!! class of 2010!!! Oh and yes another thing that is on my mind is friends at the very beginning of me starting this blog i wrote about a few girls that were very specific in my life and the funny thing about it is I'm only cool with one girl out of all of them... I'm cool with one other but we don't associate as much and i want to keep it like that... Simone has and always will be behind me and same for me... Hmm what else idk my father is on my mind to he kinda bailed on me for this debutante and he said sorry but sorry can only cover the problem and not solve it but god forgives and forgets and so will i... Other then that that is really it that's on my mind I'm in computer program so bored listening to music on my phone... Peace love ... NETTE

Happiness!

Hello!!! So lately i have been terribly busy either with my debutante stuff or school, club or work or at least trying to get a few hours of sleep and still have a life. I have been doing good lately but, in 3 weeks my cotillion will be here can't wait march 13,2010 and all that will be over but i will still have school work my club. Anyways hmm relationship life still the same except it's not dull anymore. I at least have someone to talk to at night =) but we are just friends so that kinda defeats the purpose but I'm not even trying to be into a relationship anymore i need to focus on ME?! So I'm feeling okay at this point so maybe i will find a quote about happiness today...
"Being Happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"-Unknown
So this was the first quote i saw and i just thought about people i know that go through the worst things life could give and at the end of the day they are still smiling whether if its real or not. imperfections is the world everyone uses because god did not make any of us perfect for a reason! We are all made to make a difference in his world and by trying to be perfect you will fail in so many aspects such as self acceptance. I am pretty sure there are a thousands things you would love to change such as your shape, your hair, your skin color, your appearance etc etc. We have to learn to just say its "OKAY". Looking at the celebrities are nothing but trouble. All of them are not perfect in fact TV can do so many things to you such as enhance your skin color or make you look a certain way when your one 4'11 and totally dull. I will keep this short and simple though , happiness is not about looking a certain way because happiness is not on the outside it is in the inside so when you finally find that in your self that is when you can at the end of the day be happy with someone else same as love you can not love anyone until you love yourself first "UNCONDITIONALLY". Be blessed Goodnight =)

Check and Balance....

So I'm so sorry for not writing for so long i recently moved and we haven't gotten Internet yet. Things have been so-so i guess nothing is perfect, then again will anything ever be perfect?Life is just going to be life regardless of what cards you play what morals you live by what you do or say... I learned that a long time ago but just had faith that maybe it could come. Everyday i feel like i have a thousand blessings starting with god waking me up in the morning... Guess you cant be greedy when you don't have anything at all.. One thing i have been noticing is that what you want may never come but what you want is always there... True statement because there are so many things i want but the chances of them actually coming to me are slim to none. I thirst for this year to be good and it will be good you cant judge your present circumstances on the future so i say that i just chill and relax?! On the other hand hmm relationships still not for me. Nobody really is catching my eye to be worth all the trouble. People are in and out of my life that i cant commit to anyone but starting something new is always better. Which is always a great start! I love the way how school is going except my exams they are a total blur. Social life uhh... I haven't been very social because i haven't really felt the need I'm graduating soon no time to start new friendships nor rekindle old ones. I have lost a few though because you have to put your best foot forward when thinking of the people you want in your life... One thing i still long for to this day is a great companionship. It is so funny because 3 years straight i have been single on valentines day =( i just call it single day maybe there will be hope for next year i guess who's to say what will happen in a few days though maybe i will have a valentine?!!? Anyways lets get on to the business =)....
"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give"-Sir Winston Churchill... Wow its funny because Steve Harvey was just talking about this exact thing this morning except he said it spiritually. When you make someone else successful you are making yourself successful... If you do unto people people will do unto you. I love helping people i don't know if it is in my blood or i am just a natural care giver of people i love watching my godson for some reason he shows me a peace of mind that i can never find in myself. I love writing it gives a sense of release from anything of what i am feeling. I love to give back not just because i may receive something in return but it makes me feel better . Like i worked at the food bank some weeks ago and i swear i just didn't want to leave because i felt so good to help homeless people... Its just like when you give back to the community you are giving back to a great life... I love when people do things that i can always question and say why and then i can tell them i have done the same years ago. Life is just so much... Giving back is so much that you don't want to stop. If you go out and get what you want you will only get a limited of what you really want but if you give out you will receive more then you ever gave. Its like a balance system. You do only for yourself and your only going to get what you do for yourself in return and you do for others and they will be in open arms to things back to you and for you. Though don't just do things that you think oh well i will get this dollar back or 20 back think as if you will never get it back think about it like that person or church needed that dime way more then you did... Check and balance yourself and your giving, they will definitely pay off one day... Quote from quotationspage.com

LOVE....

WOOOOOOO. I learned another important part of life. No matter how many people dislike you or do like you or love you.. You should always love them in return. We are only human, we are accustom to making mistakes and doing things that we will regret tomorrow. Nobody is perfect!!! Jesus is love and will always be. There are only going to be 3 people in the whole entire world that can give you unconditional love. God, your mother and father. They have no choice but to love you. Life is taken so lightly, we are giving all this time on earth to do only one thing in life, figure out who is god... Do you know God? I wont get into all of that but the basics is we all don't know what the true meaning of love is until we find it with Jesus and ourselves!!! I just figured out today that i never have been in love!!! When i read each sentence i have to think to remember and then i see nothing to remember. It was kind at times, it was very much self-seeking if i wouldn't of went and figured who this person was i would of never met him. I notice that it didn't protect me, i didn't have any trust nor hope. Lastly it failed... So really i HAVE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE!!!! i never believed in tattoos because i don't like needles but this would be something i would want to wake up and read every morning these are like imprinted in my brain. I finally can understand what love is and this opened my eyes... I cant be broken hearted i cant be hurt again. I never was truly hurt, my feelings maybe, but love i was never in. Love is used so lightly and when i said it i didn't mean it .... Love cant make you do the things i did. When i exhaled i was only letting steam out, when i wrote that story i was only figuring out how people can hurt you. I have only had my feelings hurt, its so much realization that i see everyday. People say so many things but can never back them up. Friends, family, are there temporarily. Now God is there all the time. I was watching the Notebook last night, and i cried my eyes out, trying to figure out why was i crying so badly and i finally figured out why... Because i never was in love. I never felt like that towards someone where i could lay down the line for them, i could die for or with them. It hurt so badly because all these years i have been lying to myself saying i am broken hearted and i am in love but the real answer is i just never allowed god to come in my life and help me and now that he is... He has taken me back to my past and allowed me to see all the good times i have had but went to the root and showed me now if this was love would this happen... LOVE NEVER FAILS!!! Alicia Keys has a new song out saying try sleeping with a broken heart. I listen to it a lot finally realized it does not apply to me. My bed is not lonely, its just made for me only... Broken dreams, broken hearts don't apply to me... So i haven't been in a real relationship since 2007 and if it has taken me 2 1/2 years to finally realize that i have never been in love so be it... 2010 is almost here and I'm leaving 2009,2008,2007,2006 behind and looking towards MY FUTURE.... Hoping you can put yourself in my shoes and realize that maybe you had a puppy love or "young love" but you haven't found love until you realize the only people in your life that will love you unconditionally is God, Mother, Father and i never had all 3 of them in my life at once and now that i do, it feels so0o good......

On my mind 12/2

OMGGGGG.... So my meeting went great so0o happy and proud of myself... They say you cant try to change the world unless you change yourself. Just looking at all them made me want to just never leave... Like this club will make me a better person i will learn more then i know myself just by listening to other people's problems. It kind of reassures me that im not the only one that goes through the everyday mood's. Antoinette Price President of BBBSD!!! Omg just thinking like i no my grandma and grandfather are looking down on me like antoinette you did it!!! Anyways other then that everything else is okay except a few loose ends i would like to make a statement!!!! PEOPLE COME AND GO IN YOUR LIFE.... it's so funny how people take you for granted... Like i guess my intentions are not everyone elses... Haha i dont want what you have i can get much better, ugh smh when will they learn the more you are worrying about me the more im getting successful. They stare and see my success, ever since that day this person said your club will not be successful is the day i put more effort... THANKS HATER.... hahah anyways hmmm so on my mind right now is BBBSD . School is not really in my way work is though i love it to death just get tired of working at times, but thats life... So college i keep putting it on hold not good i know i guess in my free time this weekend i will start on that and by next friday they all should be in the mail! teacher recommendations and more =) ... But i believe that was my little update for the week i hope to write up here soon toodles!!!

Less then what you deserve

Omg so0o wow this whole month has been hectic beyond hectic actually just stressful. Between work school college debutante and social life i cant even believe i still have the energy at night... So i have learned a few things since the last time i wrote up here. You cannot trust anybody but your family but even then they at times can not be trusted and you were put on this earth alone and seems thats how it should be kept. Anyways friends dont even understand the defintion anymore? Relationships they are on another planet then where i am from and further more life... cant even define it for others except myself... I also learned you can give someone the biggest advice and help them out but at the end of the day you wasted your sweet breath on telling a tree to move... People are going to do what they feel although you know what's best for them at times. You have to allow people to take trial and error before they actually learn the lesson... It took me a few times to actually learn these simple rules of life and now i can share them with you all.. Anyways i found a quote from a different site and i find it very comforting for my mood tonight!!!
"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Maureen Dowd, in 'New York Times' "
So i remember when i had standards and i guess i would try to make them out as a perfect boy but i never met this person still to this day. I figured my standards were too high so i was pretty lienant and settled for way less than i deserved... I guess thats why im having to pick up on my mistakes and faults now... which is fine with me because i learn from them... Now settling for less can be a good and bad. At times settling for less can be only enough that you can get at the time, sometimes getting less can turn into recieving more... you can always get less so you can make it more ... The quote kind of jeporadizes things... I make it into my words, personal issues i will go by which is i still dont have that number one person so i have settled with beyond numerous people that were my standards... i try to go by happiness and not care about the appearance because the apperance will only hold you for so long until someone else notices it, personality is a super plus! you can go far and live with certain people just by their personality ... Style is always a must for some people but clothes do not make a person at all... Just by judging someone by the way they dress does not take you far at all... You cannot judge a book by its cover at all... Although you can tell how they keep theirselves like hygiene which is a super duper big thing you will not want to go with someone who does not appreciate their body like keep it clean eg... brushing their teeth cleaning their bodies etc. but basically like the quote says the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.....will finish tommorow!!!