Falling short?!

Have you ever felt like what you do is never enough? I finally figured out that working is like a center of peace at least some jobs. It seems like chaos can never leave me. I so understand that maybe god is putting me thru a test but I cant pass it for nothing. I keep running into the same problems and I know what I do wrong but when im approached with it over and over again I steady fail. My time as a child is pretty much ticking I wouldn’t even say im not a child anymore but im under 18 but im 17 so what does that mean? I think this is so real that every girl that doesn’t have a father figure in there life then they will let any male come in there life and do as they please because they have that part missing from them. I guess that’s why I always fall short, my father is not in my life as much as I wish he was so when it comes to boys they are my weakness and I couldn’t even help it if I wanted to because half of it is to late but you noe what I can do just make sure it wont happen again. Im going to consider boys as being drugs, im going to say im addicted ugh! But the reason why I say that is because they can put me in this mood that I cant unlock myself which shouldn’t be happening and im going to have to try to find that key because this isn’t working were they can have control over me. Time to step up and say NOOO?! My family is my backbone, my godson brings me joy he is someone that can unlock that happiness his smile is so peaceful and he means no harm and I will try my hardest to raise him like a young man and to one day treat the girls he brings in his life good. I wish it wasn’t so hard to find mr.right though but I don’t think that im suppose to find him yet maybe I have some more growing and realizing to do before he comes or someone once told me that while im messing with a lot of wrong people he could of came my way and I would of never known but how do you know? Who knows? But I cannot wait for this school year to start I have a lot of upcoming things to do! I am editor of News on my newspaper very big thing! I love that and also im a debutante yay and I will be taking an ap class so pretty much my plate is full and also I will be a part time student and part time employee at dsw I love that place!! And tonight was really fun i didnt think it would be as fun as it was. I guess sometimes you have to stop assuming and just let it flow. One of my customers told me to never assume but its so hard because you feel like you noe the answer for everything but i have actually been proven wrong i'd assume?! but im so tired but not ready to go to sleep im off tommorow and want to sleep but i have to go to this fresh start program at my school so0o i have to wake up early for that ugh!? but anyway i have been having these dreams back to back and im wondering should i believe them or should i just ignore them i mean the person isnt in my life anymore so im not tryna to bring the past up but 2 days in a row kind of creeps me out big time?! now if tonight i have one of him then something has to give dont you think?! but im watching my brother play his game and i just cannot figure out how he can do it for hours and hours he's only 11 ugh but my faithful readers i will hopefully get to write tommorow if it is god's will... toodles!