LOVE....

WOOOOOOO. I learned another important part of life. No matter how many people dislike you or do like you or love you.. You should always love them in return. We are only human, we are accustom to making mistakes and doing things that we will regret tomorrow. Nobody is perfect!!! Jesus is love and will always be. There are only going to be 3 people in the whole entire world that can give you unconditional love. God, your mother and father. They have no choice but to love you. Life is taken so lightly, we are giving all this time on earth to do only one thing in life, figure out who is god... Do you know God? I wont get into all of that but the basics is we all don't know what the true meaning of love is until we find it with Jesus and ourselves!!! I just figured out today that i never have been in love!!! When i read each sentence i have to think to remember and then i see nothing to remember. It was kind at times, it was very much self-seeking if i wouldn't of went and figured who this person was i would of never met him. I notice that it didn't protect me, i didn't have any trust nor hope. Lastly it failed... So really i HAVE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE!!!! i never believed in tattoos because i don't like needles but this would be something i would want to wake up and read every morning these are like imprinted in my brain. I finally can understand what love is and this opened my eyes... I cant be broken hearted i cant be hurt again. I never was truly hurt, my feelings maybe, but love i was never in. Love is used so lightly and when i said it i didn't mean it .... Love cant make you do the things i did. When i exhaled i was only letting steam out, when i wrote that story i was only figuring out how people can hurt you. I have only had my feelings hurt, its so much realization that i see everyday. People say so many things but can never back them up. Friends, family, are there temporarily. Now God is there all the time. I was watching the Notebook last night, and i cried my eyes out, trying to figure out why was i crying so badly and i finally figured out why... Because i never was in love. I never felt like that towards someone where i could lay down the line for them, i could die for or with them. It hurt so badly because all these years i have been lying to myself saying i am broken hearted and i am in love but the real answer is i just never allowed god to come in my life and help me and now that he is... He has taken me back to my past and allowed me to see all the good times i have had but went to the root and showed me now if this was love would this happen... LOVE NEVER FAILS!!! Alicia Keys has a new song out saying try sleeping with a broken heart. I listen to it a lot finally realized it does not apply to me. My bed is not lonely, its just made for me only... Broken dreams, broken hearts don't apply to me... So i haven't been in a real relationship since 2007 and if it has taken me 2 1/2 years to finally realize that i have never been in love so be it... 2010 is almost here and I'm leaving 2009,2008,2007,2006 behind and looking towards MY FUTURE.... Hoping you can put yourself in my shoes and realize that maybe you had a puppy love or "young love" but you haven't found love until you realize the only people in your life that will love you unconditionally is God, Mother, Father and i never had all 3 of them in my life at once and now that i do, it feels so0o good......

On my mind 12/2

OMGGGGG.... So my meeting went great so0o happy and proud of myself... They say you cant try to change the world unless you change yourself. Just looking at all them made me want to just never leave... Like this club will make me a better person i will learn more then i know myself just by listening to other people's problems. It kind of reassures me that im not the only one that goes through the everyday mood's. Antoinette Price President of BBBSD!!! Omg just thinking like i no my grandma and grandfather are looking down on me like antoinette you did it!!! Anyways other then that everything else is okay except a few loose ends i would like to make a statement!!!! PEOPLE COME AND GO IN YOUR LIFE.... it's so funny how people take you for granted... Like i guess my intentions are not everyone elses... Haha i dont want what you have i can get much better, ugh smh when will they learn the more you are worrying about me the more im getting successful. They stare and see my success, ever since that day this person said your club will not be successful is the day i put more effort... THANKS HATER.... hahah anyways hmmm so on my mind right now is BBBSD . School is not really in my way work is though i love it to death just get tired of working at times, but thats life... So college i keep putting it on hold not good i know i guess in my free time this weekend i will start on that and by next friday they all should be in the mail! teacher recommendations and more =) ... But i believe that was my little update for the week i hope to write up here soon toodles!!!

Less then what you deserve

Omg so0o wow this whole month has been hectic beyond hectic actually just stressful. Between work school college debutante and social life i cant even believe i still have the energy at night... So i have learned a few things since the last time i wrote up here. You cannot trust anybody but your family but even then they at times can not be trusted and you were put on this earth alone and seems thats how it should be kept. Anyways friends dont even understand the defintion anymore? Relationships they are on another planet then where i am from and further more life... cant even define it for others except myself... I also learned you can give someone the biggest advice and help them out but at the end of the day you wasted your sweet breath on telling a tree to move... People are going to do what they feel although you know what's best for them at times. You have to allow people to take trial and error before they actually learn the lesson... It took me a few times to actually learn these simple rules of life and now i can share them with you all.. Anyways i found a quote from a different site and i find it very comforting for my mood tonight!!!
"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Maureen Dowd, in 'New York Times' "
So i remember when i had standards and i guess i would try to make them out as a perfect boy but i never met this person still to this day. I figured my standards were too high so i was pretty lienant and settled for way less than i deserved... I guess thats why im having to pick up on my mistakes and faults now... which is fine with me because i learn from them... Now settling for less can be a good and bad. At times settling for less can be only enough that you can get at the time, sometimes getting less can turn into recieving more... you can always get less so you can make it more ... The quote kind of jeporadizes things... I make it into my words, personal issues i will go by which is i still dont have that number one person so i have settled with beyond numerous people that were my standards... i try to go by happiness and not care about the appearance because the apperance will only hold you for so long until someone else notices it, personality is a super plus! you can go far and live with certain people just by their personality ... Style is always a must for some people but clothes do not make a person at all... Just by judging someone by the way they dress does not take you far at all... You cannot judge a book by its cover at all... Although you can tell how they keep theirselves like hygiene which is a super duper big thing you will not want to go with someone who does not appreciate their body like keep it clean eg... brushing their teeth cleaning their bodies etc. but basically like the quote says the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.....will finish tommorow!!!

Are you guys meant to be?

So i am so happy because not only have more people been interested but my life has been great as well Sunday was the best service i have heard since i have been a teen. I needed it or i wouldn't be feeling this way. Today was so great and what i prayed for god to give me strength in he gave weakness in the other =). I am not alone in this world and I'm glad... anyways this was a quote i saw on facebook, i thought it was mighty funny because i was feeling confused like i love this person so much but i could never picture being with him again.... Well here goes.... Thanks again for supporting me =)
"Just because two people are in love does not mean they are MEANT TO BE" Unknown
So i had a very big think today in my mind and i was just thinking about love and life.... Love is everywhere and there are so many kinds of love its hard not to say it... When i read this quote i had to explain myself, this is soo0o true. It is so many x's that i have that, that four letter word was used so lightly simply because once you have been in it once it does not want to end because it gives everyone that satisfaction of just breathing for a second. I was thinking about how many people i really love in this world... It is only a few but my first love i will always love him but not be IN LOVE with him for some odd reason i feel a huge gap between us. Like when we were In love i felt like i new him but now that i just have love for him i have no clue to describe him. That goes to show you people change so quickly.... My mom tells me a story all the time about my dad and how she could never be in love with simply because he hurt her so much... I think god puts us all through a lot of test with the ones we love and we will never no who passed what etc. Also i just learned this one fact. The people we want so bad but they may not want us and they push us away because we are being blinded of what we really need?! What we want is not always what we need. Say your in love with someone or you like someone and you guys argue all the time etc and you try to work it out so much but it does not click maybe god is trying to tell you something like the littlest person you would of ever thought cared the least about you may be the person your life depends on... Love & relationships are so much work.... But we were made to manage certain issues like that we need love our bodies depend on it whether it is from family friends boyfriend girlfriend... Anyways when the quote says just because two people are in love does not mean they are meant to be it is trying to tell us that it may feel right look right and even smell right but it is no where near close to what we need. Remember need goes before want. Also if your young then there is no rush in you finding that love. It may sound good and sometimes look good but it does not come with just happiness, sacrificing a lot and leaving your happiness at the door at times.... Anyways I'm so0o tired getting my hair done tomorrow yes... Plus spirit of Norfolk as well can't wait .... Have a blessed night toddles!

From Victories to the strength of another...

Well i attempted to write a few days ago but my tiredness takes the best of me... Lately as usual things seem to not go my way. I start to wonder is it a test I'm going through or is it just me putting this stress on myself. I have had the worst luck the last past two to three weeks. I hope that everything goes as planned this week because i have planned it for a while. Also seems like i need a serious change once again as usual!!! Not for anyone but myself.Anyways i didn't feel the need to get a quote but i will because i don't think i should spill every little thing out....
So wow there were so many great quotes but at this moment i choose to write about one ...
"We learn little from victory, much from defeat. - Japanese (on success and failure)"
So i learned this on my own luckily, When i win prizes or anything in life i seem to ignore the true meaning of why i won it or who helped me or even why i won it. I think because that success blinds our true thoughts. When we lose a race or anything we learn why we loss, why we could win, who and why that person won. It is so many things that we take in effect when another wins but we see clearly the reasons why we didn't as oppose to if we did. It makes us try harder and make sure we excel next time. Anyway we put it defeat overpowers a victory any day, like they say you may have won a victory but the loser won the battle. The loser puts so much effort into a race or anything but the winner just wins the victory, you may not have won the prize but you have won the reasoning.... so when they say we learn little from victory, much from defeat they are telling us that regardless if we win or not we will always prevail either we are last or 2nd defeat will teach you so many more things rather then your victory ...... Next quote
"Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)"
Bad habits bad habits, So as i sit here listening to lauryn hill "i gotta find peace of mind" She states all the wrongs he and she has done in her life and she still can find the time to say she has peace of mind. It is really hard to find peace of mind in this society because everyday you hear someone has died or passed away how can you find that peace of mind when everything or everybody is standing at the world against you? Well put it this way she has another song titled " i get out" trust me it tells you every answer, if you cant do it on your own she says his holy name!!! anyway bad habits they are very hard to get rid of very very very hard to get rid of simply because its a habit lets take smoking for example whether it is cigarettes or a drug it pulls you in where you feel the need to need it.... It is a very bad habit to say no too. I never smoked so i cant say the pleasure it gives but i can say its something that is at the top of the list of a bad habit. When you can quit cold turkey on smoking and ignore the urges to smoke i believe you have conquered the strength of a human!!! Now lets say for example i as being a girl and my habit is allowing boys to get to me... I can say that is a really bad habit because any time they feel the need to need me they call on to me and i come =( i no not good at all when i finally find the courage to break that habit i will have conquered the strength of the strong... Bad habits are such a bad addiction but we cannot help it. There are so many addictions out there in the world and the one addiction that we all need is saying our savior's name and asking him for forgiveness in the sinful world... anyways when the quote says who is strong? he that conquers his bad habits is basically saying everyone has a bad habit but when you finally find the courage to stop that addiction congratulations you have conquered the strength of the strong.... i believe this is pretty much it for tonight i had a lot on my mind to write up here and in my journal. Well have a blessed night everyone the two quotes came from wiseoldsayings.com

Do unto your self FIRST!!!

So its been a week that's all i can say that is the reason i don't really write that much i find it weird because i been using that pen and paper more then just typing things. But anyways the last few weeks i have been learning a lot of inspirational facts!!! Of course i am dying to share because it wouldn't be I if i wouldn't =)
"Please all and you will soon please none. - Aesop (c.620-560 BC)"
First of all WE LIVE FOR OURSELVES!!!! Seems like i have to drill that not only into my head but others as well!!! A big person that does not do that i would have to say is my mom she is constantly doing for others but not her self !! It kills me because although god will look and see what you have done for his children but he will also see that you haven't done anything for yourself and of course you cant help people if you cant help yourself. I no that may sound a little selfish but it is the truth, i couldn't get over someone because i wasn't sure how to love myself, respect myself and so on. Now that i have finally caught that trait and learned to love myself unconditionally i can love whomever i please. Speaking of LOVE, it is a death trap =) seems like you can never leave that pathway its hard (very) but you learn to once you realize the true meaning of it. I swear i am an old lady stuck in a young person's body because how can i tell someone how and what love is when maybe i have never felt it. High school "LOVE" obviously is not true love better yet is puppy love that beginning stage that feeling that everyone wants to feel so god gives us this little dose of it and some people take it the correct way some of us don't?! It is a choice that we all have to make. So lets say you are obligated to please a person you LOVE?! Do you think that by pleasing that person that is true love? Love at least to some does not cost a thing at least it shouldn't a lot of things in life have no means of being charged but they are because they have became a need and smart business people have learned to tax it. Anyways what i am trying to say is live your life first and then finally try to take on someone Else's problems because once you try to take on something else and your own unfinished business it results in way worst things then you could ever imagine. So when the quote says please all and you will soon please none it is saying do for yourself first because that is the person that matters the most then once your done with that allow your self to please others and you will find that all your blessings will be accounted for and NEVER ask or think for anything in return allow it to take time and the more you ask the longer it will take if it will even come.... Good night Quote is from wiseoldsayings.com

A Breath away

Hello... Last week was beyond busy and crazy and hectic and it went by very quick i no for a fact this one will be as well and I'm happy in a way but then again time is ticking and weeks are feeling like days and months are feeling like weeks. Summer went by so quickly i guess because i wasn't doing exactly what I'm suppose to and that nobody but my fault... Now that school is in and it is fall i have so much to catch up on i have so many ideas and thoughts and i am just jam packed .... Also i am starting a new club called "BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS DIVINE"... Anyways it was a lot of quotes i was thinking about today but i just choose this one....
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away - unknown"
So like i said summer went by so quickly and i had to of had so many breath takes and i had a few breaths away.... I find it funny because luck of a relationship seems to be negative on my side... Seems like everyone wants every thing nobody cares about anybody anymore. People are cold hearted and don't have no type of feeling at all when it comes to others. I find myself doing the same thing at times and then i quickly jump back and something hits me and says what are you doing....Have you ever wanted something or someone so bad but they were not in your reach and you tried everything you could to try to get it or that person and you always ended up short... Well that has been me for quite a while every time i think i can finally exhale everything and be solid happy someone or something gets in my way.... Some people say don't let people get in your way and even the pastor said its always going to be that one person or thing that stands in your way and you just have to overcome them... Don't let them get to you but what if they constantly bug??? You get the power to either say something or just ignore it but then your happiness is either put on hold or gone forever.. I find it funny a few people have done that to me, walked all over me and guess what I'm still the one hurt at the end of the night... Anyways what I'm trying to say is when you find something that makes you happy or smile or lightens your day you should keep it and fight for it UNLESS you pray to god and he shows you that maybe this just is not for you.... God will always tell you the answer like i have been saying it may not be right then and there but you will see it in flying colors... So when the quote says life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away... they are trying to tell you stop stressing, stop worrying, stop going through the worst things of life and start doing things in your life that takes your breath away so much where you have to gasp for ...Pray to god and ask him what is really going to take your breath away because a lot of us don't no it at all but then again if you do then stop exhaling negative and inhale positive and exhale it as well..... Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

Kindness =)

"Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa (1910-1997)"
So this quote was very significant to me and should be to others! Just like i said in a few other posts ago when you ask people how they are doing you can do a whole lot!!! Well this falls in the same category as well. It is so easy to say oh my you look nice etc etc but what you say has a big effect on that person imagine you just saying nice shoes it sticks with them that whole day and they tell all there friends and family etc. I no there has been a day when someone has really made you feel so good just by them saying the simplest things in the world !!! A kind word can go a long place. Although i no us girls are tired of hearing the same line it may make someone feel like a queen!! So don't ever stop telling a person good things... Also i went to church this past Sunday and it was fantastic the main key he was trying to get at is that although there are a lot of "whoa's " in your life you can keep on going. Like say for instance you are doing some kind of Good and that one person just comes to tell you that you owe like 1000 dollars in debt just for example now picture yourself going from greatest feeling in the world to saddest person on earth. That's when a whoa comes in your life. Simple people make our lives so much worst because although they can take the worst news in the world a lot of us cant and by that person telling us the worst news it enters a dent into our lives that its hard to overcome and put that dent back in place!!! But we will someday learn that although truth hurts and is good to tell but some people cant handle the truth it may make you feel better but what about that person feelings they may can hide it very good but you don't no how hard it is to let go of bad news!!! Anyhow the last couple of days have been very busy senior year is no joke!!! Classes, work , activities this debutante i believe is a blessing but not the financial part it is killing me =( .... I think I'm pretty content with everything else in my life i actually can say that i am happy with the people in my life and don't want to let them go... I didn't never think this day would come again at all but feelings have became official now =/ lol any who.... Thank god for what you have and not what you don't have because you never no what you don't have may be coming shortly and you wouldn't even no , Pray , love, and obey and you will forever live in peace =)...Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

Planning?!

"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do, doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas Edison (1847-1931)"
So the J's only had a few and it seemed as though this one pretty much stood out the most.... You can actually reference this quote in so many ways. Lets say a relationship =) So you have planned and hoped and put time and energy in it but once you finally get into the relationship you feel as though it really was useless. Like your not going to go any where with it and just was pointless from the get go. Well you never no, you may have stalled for so long for a reason it maybe didn't work out for so many reasons such as you guys just need to be friends, god doesn't see this person making a difference in your life, just not meant to be, or better yet the patience needs to still be in effect and that person is meant for you in the near future?! Its so many more reasons but that's just to name the few. Lets put it in a different perspective what if this something that you have been planning for is a party or an event. You have spent all your time trying to put everything together and perfect it and it turns out a disaster , you may think it was so useless but really it wasn't , simple because you learned a valuable lesson through it you no what to do differently next time?! So when the quote says just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do, doesn't mean it's useless they are basically saying do what makes you happy plan things etc in the long run you will learn the lesson you will see that you had to go through that to receive the message , god will show you , you just have to have PATIENCE!!!.... Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

L-I-F-E

So i thought that tonight was pretty the mark of me having to live on my own. Im already independent enough i worry about my own things i basically buy what i need and want because i have a job. I make my own marks in my life i teach myself the values of life i pray as much as i can until i just fall short or weak! Have you ever felt like what you do for yourself is never enough?! its one thing to be doing for others and it not be enough but for your self is way to much ! Have you ever been abused so bad that your days seem so short that the only thing left to do is give up? What if when you do give up there are ways where you could of thought twice about things... Have you ever lost someone in your life you thought meant the world to you and you have nobody to call on so you just end up doing things that are not right... Well i think i have conquered that as much as i could by writting what i feel now . When i feel that i am at my weakness i write i think when i am weak thats what makes me a better writer ... I dont usually write just for someone else i write what is on my mind hoping that it will uplift and help people out as much as it helps me out. Seems as though i have to write to teach myself things although in my mind i no from right and wrong but you cant tell yourself a thousand times something until it finally becomes something you have to do... So0o much is on my mind and im just going to take my shower and do a little bit of homework and say the strongest prayer and go to sleep !!!! Maybe i will write tommorow with a quote =/

Way too heavy!!!

So when i say all of this chaos is killing me don't bother to listen because it is actually making me stronger and a better person!!! Wow over the course of the week so much has changed from my heart to my soul to my brain?! I will use a quote today but first i want to talk about what is on my mind first!!!! I went to church this last Sunday and when i say it was uplifting i mean it... I no that i always say that I'm going to delete people out of my life well finally i have made the initiative to do it . alot didn't think i could but i didn't do it on my own... So wow these people on the earth are way to funny... I had this boy tell me that I'm the Sh... haha i texted back and said haha thanks and he replies and says why don't you act like it be confident i replied happily saying i think better yet i know i am a great person but i don't have to stress it to people i don't have to flaunt it just as long as i no that i am something and someone that's all that's going to matter in the long run am i right?! you should think the same way!!! It kills me when girls and boys says I'M BETTER THEN YOU or I'm steps ahead of you etc who are you to say that you are... you maybe have this more or that more than me but i promise we are equal i will never put anyone down because i am not perfect and nobody else is in this world god molded us into these sculptures and he made us a certain way he gave us flaws to overcome and think and Noe that its way beyond looks its more of whats inside ... Because when you leave this world appearance wont matter at all only what you have left in people's hearts... So don't tell me I'm pretty or beautiful its great to hear it here and there but rather i love to hear you have a great personality you are a great person at heart and that will make my day =) anyhow.... Work has been great its alot of sticky fingers in this world ... I always wonder why people stare at you when your shopping (black people) because its still some out there that obviously are up to no good and still give us all a bad name =( if you cant afford it then you don't need it... !!!! Uhm lets see school is very good right now my challenging classes have a lot of work and I'm up for it i finally have my life scheduled out and it feels great i don't have to worry about to late or missing things etc. Senior year is going to be the best year =).... Debutante things are going okay this is definably a subject matter that takes a lot out of you but I'm willing to take on the hard and risky task!!! Relationship status as of now... Hahah i find it funny when one person tells you this big piece of advice but when someone tells you the exact same thing and its your FATHER that's when you no something means business. Lately i have been told that boys are always going to be here so don't even stress about them they will do nothing but pull me down well finally i agree . I'm still going to have my friends and talk to them every now and then but i also need to respect myself as a busy young lady ... So that's about it on the relationship status! So any who I'm hoping that although this is a lot about me you will get a lot out of it as well!!! Now time for the quote!!!
"If you think your bundle of clothes too heavy, try picking up your neighbor's. - Virgin Islander (on comparable worth)"
So i chose this one because people always including me think that were the only people who go through the worst things in life well little do you no your neighbor could be going through just as much or even more and it sucks to say that so never think your alone in this world always ask questions and always ask people how they are doing even if they look like they are in the worst mood you never no how much you will affect there day just by saying how are you doing today? When people tend to talk to me when I'm mad i tend to cry because it hits me in a soft place... And especially when I'm mad they say haha i love this one .... "Smile you will live longer" Just by saying that you cant help but smile because you want to live longer. Recently this man killed his self i no we all go through problems and some of us can take them better then others but you should never overwhelm yourself with so much that you cant take it anymore and you have to jump off the edge of the world =( So any who when the quote says if you think your bundle of clothes too heavy, try picking up your neighbor's... They are basically saying appreciate every little thing in your life and stop telling god what's so bad in your life and start thanking him for what's right..... Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

Think...

So its been a while i have been beyond busy but i guess not busy enough can i have a great day all day haha anyways this is a very true and great quote that kind of taught me a lesson as well!!! Your never old to learn more!!!
"He that would live in peace and at ease, must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)"
So i finally realize why its best that everything shouldnt be said, I no a lot of people including myself love to tell people whats on our minds and how we feel although its good in some situations but its bad in others... I remember last year around this time i was in peace of mind beyond peace actually i was living a wonderful life and i finally no what im doing wrong now.... I was at so much peace because i kept my mouth shut i wasnt talking about anyone i just kept all my thoughts to myself which today i have learned that i need to now but also i would see so many things wrong etc and i would keep alot of it to myself well i guess what people dont no wont hurt them and vice versa for yourself.... Things are always taken the wrong way on the computer in text messages or anything that you cant hear that person's expressions and feelings in there voice i am all for text sometimes but i will call someone in a quick second but enough about me. In general people of all generations tell you its healthier to get what you are feeling out but only in situations like relationships or friends or etc but its so much that you can get yourself into .... But basically when the quote says he that would live in peace and at ease,must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees . That is a quote that is basically self explantory and says what you should do if you would like peace and be at ease. Not everything that you feel is appropriate to be said also what you see may not always be what you think so i believe and what the quote says is keep your comments to yourself keep your sayings to yourself keep your thoughts to yourself in most situations you will no what is right and what is wrong its kind of a epihany that you get that hits you and says dont do it ya no well i think i could write more about this subject but my eyes are very much hurting so most likely i will continue this tommorow goodnight my loves..

My day?!

So0o tonight i saw a few that caught my eye was a wee bit tired sorry tonight I'm not going to write on a quote but just a little bit about the upcoming days. September is going to be a very busy month for me not mentioning my debutante plans and school as well as work i think that writing in this blog will only be my free time but in a way i don't mind because i think having all this down time is killing me! Lately i have had a lot of set backs =( not great at all i mean i no eventually i will bounce back on them but I'm just tired of allowing people to rule the life i live and the sad part about it is that the people that mean good in my life i don't allow and as well how do you no when your meant to be with someone and when your not i think I'm done with relationship life for a while although i always say that but this time I'm doing it for my own good seems as though i don't have the time nor the patience as well as the heart to allow people sorry but the heart is out of use hahah any who uhm school starts Sept 8 which is next Tuesday also I'm cutting my hair omg.... I'm going to take an before and after picture so you can see how it changed and how i changed .... I'm so0o thinking of thinning my life out very much so start being more organized and no more shopping in these local places where everyone does but guess what i found a big vintage boutique once i can get in their i no I'm going to go crazy cant wait!!! But any who I'm pretty darn tired and you all must no that this round midnight is not cool!!! so any who my darlings have a great night toddles!

Forgive and Forget

"Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)"
If he isn't a smart man then i don't know what he is?! Why is forgive the hardest world we all have no choice to deal with. It seems like we are all being punks just by saying two little words "I'm sorry" for some odd reason those words are so powerful although it may not take back what you have already done or said it still puts a bandage on that soar and at least you can mean it from the heart a lot of people seem to don't mean it when they say it just say it so the other person can feel better but people like me can see through people who say it and don't mean it! For some reason like he says you are strong if you have the ability to hold your pride for just a few seconds and say it. Also when a person has done you so wrong it is very hard to forgive them we have all been in predicaments where someone has betrayed us or lied to us or even stabbed us in the back and the last one i always preach about is someone killing our loved ones!!!! Yes indeed a murderer will have all the punishment when he lays in the dust because that is an automatic delivery to hell to kill one of god's creatures!!! I know people that will go out there way just to try to find the person who has murdered there family member and all the time your waisting doing that your making your life span shorter not only that your waisting your precious time on this earth!!! Now say you find this person and they kill him ... it doesnt bring your family member back i noe how it feels my uncle was killed 3 years ago from this man and trust me if i saw him in the streets i would have as much as hatred in my eyes but you have to kill people with kindness and they wont No what to do because its literally killing them like this customer came on my job and snapped on me and i hadn't committed any type of mistake i guess it makes her feel better to upset people's days but it didn't put a dent in mines i mean of course i was kind of puzzled and confused at why she was acting like that and i told my family but i didn't make a big deal i wasn't going to let one simple mistake ruin my whole day?! i constantly said sorry but i guess mines wasn't good enough anyways that's an example of good customer service anyhow when the quote says forgiveness is the attribute of the strong its basically saying your never to good to tell someone sorry ... Stop thinking I'm to good for this and that and making your pride get the best of you it only makes you look like less of a person trust me i see this situation every day forgive people for there mistakes you will need them in the long run of life good wouldn't allow us this characteristic and not only that we all commit sins and he forgives each and every time we sin......FORGIVE AND FORGET!!!! Quote by wiseoldsayings.com

Focus on the postive!

So i had a very long day and its still early..... I had so much to want to talk about that i would have to make a whole new post to want to write but anyways there was to quotes i wanted to write about tonight and this was one made me say o0o0o so i had to use it!!!
"Focus on what's right in your world instead of what's wrong. - unknown"
So sad to say but we all do this to ourselves we never sit and think about the good things in our lives seems as though the wrong things love to stick to our brains harder then the right ones... Within life we seem to go through a great share of problems and we have a choice whether to allow them to get the best of us or to take advantage of them.... Well i myself have chose a lot to get to me but that's another story. Usually its the man above giving us all these problems to make us stronger and like i said the other day he wont give us a task to hard that he knows we wont be able to first do on our own. Although sometimes we bring stress on ourselves by allowing that problem to get the best of us and allowing it to also carry over as long as it does. Once we beat that fight it seems as though the scars don't ever heal. You can put a thousand pounds of neosplorin on it but it still wont heal.... you can put a bandage on it and your problem but that only covers it temporarily it doesn't fully cover it sadly.... I love having topics that actually open up my eyes at times i find it funny because i can write and tell you all the most about your own problems but i cant even cure my own and at times i have to read these post on my own time its funny to me because i have to be a mentor to myself?!? Anyways when the quote says focus on what's right in your world instead of what's wrong its trying to tell you to stop being defeated and defeat some of your own sometimes, its okay to lose a few times but when your losing overpowers your winning its about that time to look right and not left.....Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

Page of history

A lot of people are complaining that my post are so long well i will try my hardest to get a point across without actually writing an essay so readers i just love to type =)
"Every day of your life is a page of your history.- Arabic (on life and living)"
Actually today my cousin and friend and i were having a conversation and she said to get her masters you have to write a book and it must be published at regent university. Well i said well it wouldn't be to hard for me because i love writing. I used to literally write in these fat journals and write every single day and it seemed as though i always had a different story to write about so this quote is indeed true in so many aspects. Just imagine a day that you absolutely did nothing that was also a day in your history that will not be so interesting i believe that we all deserve to be written about at the end of life so that we can teach the unknown and the wondering... I wish there was a book to direct me in the right pathway but i decided to make one to many left turns and i believe that is what makes me a better writer, lessons being learned mistakes being making i wouldn't bear to want to go through it twice that's why i encourage people to read my blog i feel as though my mistakes were so bad that i would feel great to let the next person no how to not go down that pathway when you feel alone and like nobody can help you and guess who i turned to .... BOYS haha i tell you they are something!!! anyways when the quote says every day of your life is a page of history its basically telling you to start living your life the way you would like to hear it in you obituary for example. Life has no expiration date unless you allow it to. You cant expect to step out of the house and think something will come to you... Although patients take you a long way imagine when you go out and get it does!!! Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

Quote of the day!!!

"Difficulties make you a jewel. - Japanese (on adversity)"
So i came across a lot of quotes today that made sense but i thought that this one was very significant to us females =) .... So i was listening to robin thicke and he has this song on his new album called Ms.Harmony and when i was listening to it i was overwhelmed at what he was saying like was he singing to me? Hahah but anyways he was saying how she goes through so many things and so is the world but she is still a flower in the bloom and not only that he notes that she should let go of all the men that did her wrong well hands down i fell in love with this song... Basically in my opinion the more you go through things and life's lesson's the more you will become something rather then nothing! You understand when people say beauty is pain well recognize it ..... Beyonce, Tyra Banks and many more were'nt the charm of the school til they went through rough times.... I believe we all can be at peace with our appearance if we just stop trying to please the next eye and just do it for ourselves i guarantee you will see a difference when you finally say I'm changing for ME! Don't quote me on my word just yet it may not come overnight or right away but i promise you in due time if you ask the best man there is faith and works will most definably prevail that's why i enjoy praying now it took me a while to realize but now i can see why i do because all this long time you try to make changes on your own and it wont work maybe temporarily but not stay... So when the quote says difficulties make you a jewel its simply telling you that nothing you try as if make up or surgery or whatever it wont work unless you go through difficult challenges that life brings to you. Yes they may be hard but god wouldn't give you anything you cant handle !..... Quote is from wiseoldsayings.com

Quote of the day!!! Part 2

"Confession is good for the soul. - Scottish Proverb"
Am i glad i ran across this one!!! Actually tomorrow i am doing basically all of my confessions right in the spic of the morning just to let go of a few detour's in my life. Tomorrow is the last day of summer and august and it has been a very Topsy curvy one for me... Anyways Like my mother always tells me a closed mouth will never get fed.... Since i have heard that i believe that holding back does nothing but cause stress... When you tell that person how you feel or what you have done or whatever is on your mind not only do you feel better but it makes things a whole lot better even if the confession is not a good one... The soul carries so much in it that imagine if you kept everything in i don't think it would be able to function correctly because it would be overwhelmed with different thoughts and feelings about people... In my opinion confession's are the hardest things we have to do in life to a person... Do you know how hard it is to tell someone you like them and wanting to be alone in that situation or maybe even telling a person you miss them but the other feels differently or what about that four letter word LOVE... Fortunately we all come across things like that its life... Our minds wonder so badly that we cant control them at times and we just allow them to drift away... Confession's are like a breathier because once you have confessed to whomever you can breath at ease... Think about the last confession you have done and think about it for a minute and actually realize it wasn't easy and in fact it will never be but the person it should be easiest to is the man above (god) confess your sins and i guarantee you will feel better... although he may know every last thing of what you did he will wait until you have told him that you have done wrong and you have acknowledged it ... I'm know preacher but i just know a little something about the best man in the world!!!! so anyways when the quote says "Confessions is good for the soul" They are trying to tell you stop holding everything in and maybe what you have been longing for will finally come... speak up for yourself and let the world know you are there and not only that your soul will be happy too haha... toddles... Quote is from wiseoldsayings.com

Quote of the day!!! Part 1

Okay so I'm so very sorry for not updating each and every day so the days that i miss i will try to write two each night like tonight because i was reading and two caught my eye!!!
"Clothes may disguise a fool, but his voice will give him away. - unknown"
I personally love this one!!! I happen to see and hear it every single day of my life and it gets pretty darn old after a while!!! This quote can be taken in two different ways such as Someone may have on the most expensive outfit in the world but once you listen to a sentence of what they are saying you will no they didn't get that as easily as they may say they did rather as "hustling" or maybe they "stole" it. The other way is people try so hard to have the "look" but once you listen to there words you understand that the clothes they have on their back don't match up with there inner selves. I find it so crazy that people will spend a pretty penny on a one in a lifetime outfit. I read this poster in my class one time and it said how we will buy a thousand pair of jeans and shirts but nobody will remember that only what you said that reflected something in their life! i believe that indefinably i am not going to lie i love to shop but when i shop i remember who has to wear it so i don't go for the smallest thing to be skin type and try to impress a little boy or whatever nor do i go for the biggest thing i just go for what is comfortable like it or not you didn't pay for it you don't have to look at it and its not effecting anything in your life?!?! I find it funny because we all do this but we will go out and buy a one night only outfit and never wear it again. I recently just had a yard sale and i find it so funny that i sold items that i payed a fortune for but sold them for less then $5.oo. Tell me that is not good, we are in a recession haha i finally am searching through the clearance rack and let me tell you its been very successful.... But anyways when the quote says "clothes may disguise a fool, but his voice will give him away" There are basically saying stop trying to be SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT!!!! God is molding us into what he wants so don't get mad just because you don't have this and cant afford that just be happy that he even gives you the opportunity to have the clothing on your back it doesn't have to have the biggest brand name on it or look like you spent a fortune on it just as long as you are comfortable and you feel as though you look good..... toddles Quote from wiseoldsayings.com

Quote of the day!!!

Sorry it has taken me til Thursday to want to write i have been very beyond busy with work school and this debutante but here goes!!!
"A blind person who sees is better than a seeing person who is blind. - Iranian (on wisdom)"
This quote caught my eye very surprisingly i had to actually read it 3 times to actually think about it. You know how blind people cannot see well just think if they can see clearer then a person who has 20/20 then that is wrong. It seems as though blind people can see more things then we do. Not really "see" but can understand like a relationship for example, a person that is blinded by what another person is doing like cheating...Love can blind you so badly that you will even see clear as day but you just don't want to believe it. A blind person seems to know so much about life and they take feelings in deep consideration because that's all they know. When we wake up each and every morning and look outside and see the shining sun we miss the big picture, we miss signs that are all over, we miss the sounds that are just normal to a regular person but sweet nothings to a blind person. What I'm trying to say is although a blind person is covered and they only see pitch black everyday they see just as much as us if not more. Its like a intuition for them, Did you know that Stevie wonder had/ has a chance at seeing again but he refused to have the surgery. Why on earth would he want to give up on seeing his children or just seeing anything of that matter you ask? Like i said blind people can see way more then we can. We could read a book a million times but never actually get the context clues or the moral of the story but if someone was to read aloud a book say for example "Steve Harvey's book act like a lady think like a man" .Woman, girls have read it religiously but what good does it do if we all cant apply to what he says yeah we "know and feel what he says" but we don't apply to it. We all put on fronts like we are so strong but we all make mistakes nobody is perfect so when the quote says that a blind person that can see is better then a seeing person that is blind they are trying to say that we all need to open our eyes better yet horizons stop belittling ourselves and just live i know we hear that all the time but maybe like a blind person does "see" maybe its time we all need to.... toddles!!!! Quote from www.wiseoldsayings.com

New start?!

So today was a very busy fast day seems like time went from 10 in the morning to 11 o' clock at night?! So i have decided to stop writing any kind of way because i would like more readers and i would like for them to understand what i say so i will try my hardest to be grammatically correct! Anyways in the past few days i have been a busy body! I am an A.K.A. Debutante ! i didn't know it was as much as work as it is but i am made for it and I'm so very ready! From community service to fundraising! I actually can't wait i have already had many different ideas! On both subjects. I have my escort down and pack and he is very supportive thanks!!! I believe it will be better if i just make sure i have some alone time at night and I'm also going to start going to sleep just a bit earlier now so know more "round midnights". As well as to the side comments I'm going to start writing about things that are meaningful to people and things people would love to read about i want to see more profile views =) anyways. I am so tired i work this whole week and the days I'm off I'm still going to be up and at them pretty early just my luck! Anyway my last day at finish line is September 3rd cant believe I'm leaving them but i cant take two jobs, school, school newspaper and this debutante its way to much so I'm just going to keep DSW (designer shoe warehouse). So although i have work, school plus school newspaper and debutante i still am putting school first its my senior year it went by so quick that i cant even believe it Antoinette is almost grown what is the world going to do?! Any who i get to attend the NSU memorial classic it should be very fun I'm going to miss out on the afram fest which in my opinion it has kind of been played out we all know whats going to happen they can have a million police its still going to be chaos and more. I have also came to an decision that i don't need anyone (relationship) wise anymore all through the summer that's all i used to complain about but now i am so busy that where could i have the time? I'm happy for that senior year will be full of surprises as i can see. Also its this great website Mr. Brickhouse has told me about and its called wiseoldsayings.com! i am going to start using that website to write about. I'm going to take a quote (copyrighted) and explain it in teenage words and they wont just be any quote they will be something meaningful that we can all use like a daily bread! On Sundays I'm going to take the word from my pastor that way it will go along with everything i think that's how i can get more people to relate it sounds pretty fun to and cant wait to do it! I think i told enough of my business to the world so your free to look at my old post about my days and what was on my mind but no more of that!!! unless someone leaves a comment saying other wise anyhow its 11:30 and my plans were to go to sleep before midnight so I'm going to call it a night Goodnight my loves! Have a blessed day tomorrow... toddles!

Thank you lord!

So lately i have been working a lot seems like when i work i have a great amount of peace away from my life and the things i have to go through each and every day! I have been lately leaving a lot of people that have been in my life recently go away and brought back people from my past to the present just because they know me better and they know the way i feel and seems like i need them more now then i did back then... I recently made a mistake and i thought i was going to be feeling bad for it but i actually twisted it to a perfect lesson i never jumped back that quickly on something like that and i would love to applaud myself on it but what good will that do. So hmm tonight i had a rush of things come to my mind as im sitting here at alexis house i have feelings still come about i thought it only happened when i was alone but obviously not. I think the only way that i can get this to stop happening is if i start going to sleep early. around midnight is basically a bad time for me to be in a state of mind of loneliness. I realized i stress so0 much and i stress the impossible but i try to make every thing possible. I strive for the best but always end up short?! Over the last past days ihave learned some valuable information such as obviously until my mr.right comes god is him and will always be him even when mr.right happens to appear he has been the man in my life that has always been here and will never leave me! And i realized i dont call for help to much i try to do things on my own but now the big sign is here when i feel like i cant take things anymore i just need to call that one person. When im feeling lonely or abused or hurt call on him and he will definably be there to comfort him. and although if he may not come when i want him to but he will come when he see's i need him most he wont put that much on me that i cant handle so obviously there is definably a reason why i go through what i go through because i can handle it and i allow it to take me over but now Im saying noe and im going to take my life back over.... Sorry for all this personal stuff i just had a big idea and thought i would share it with you all and maybe it will direct someone else in the right path?! My cousin also opened up a door for me. She said that she will never be able to see wealthy until she see's struggle and i was thinking that how do you think half of the people that are wealthy now got there because god put them all through struggle to realize that its not so easy to live good. And im pretty sure the people that got there way to quickly without the struggle go through a struggle non of us could even take on. Im going to think about that every time i go through a struggle! Maybe thats why i go through what i go through just because i cant be happy unless i have been through it all. I struggle like almost every day whether its money happiness or anything else... hmmm i think im going somewhere with this! I remember i used to pray and ask god to please bring me someone special but he still hasnt came and i thank him for that because i dont want him as of now i want to stay on my own two feet and feel independence which is what i have been feeling for a long while. the things i buy are with my own money that i stand and work for. my mother doesnt just give me things anymore i have to work for them and i am glad she does that because it makes me an even better person then i am now. she has many jobs and i pray for her as well to keep going because one day if i have to come in a crossroad the one she passes everyday idk how i would do it?! Tonight has been a great night today has been an overall great day my friend came back in town and i have to pray for him and his world as well... Life.... has just begun.... Night my loves!

Falling short?!

Have you ever felt like what you do is never enough? I finally figured out that working is like a center of peace at least some jobs. It seems like chaos can never leave me. I so understand that maybe god is putting me thru a test but I cant pass it for nothing. I keep running into the same problems and I know what I do wrong but when im approached with it over and over again I steady fail. My time as a child is pretty much ticking I wouldn’t even say im not a child anymore but im under 18 but im 17 so what does that mean? I think this is so real that every girl that doesn’t have a father figure in there life then they will let any male come in there life and do as they please because they have that part missing from them. I guess that’s why I always fall short, my father is not in my life as much as I wish he was so when it comes to boys they are my weakness and I couldn’t even help it if I wanted to because half of it is to late but you noe what I can do just make sure it wont happen again. Im going to consider boys as being drugs, im going to say im addicted ugh! But the reason why I say that is because they can put me in this mood that I cant unlock myself which shouldn’t be happening and im going to have to try to find that key because this isn’t working were they can have control over me. Time to step up and say NOOO?! My family is my backbone, my godson brings me joy he is someone that can unlock that happiness his smile is so peaceful and he means no harm and I will try my hardest to raise him like a young man and to one day treat the girls he brings in his life good. I wish it wasn’t so hard to find mr.right though but I don’t think that im suppose to find him yet maybe I have some more growing and realizing to do before he comes or someone once told me that while im messing with a lot of wrong people he could of came my way and I would of never known but how do you know? Who knows? But I cannot wait for this school year to start I have a lot of upcoming things to do! I am editor of News on my newspaper very big thing! I love that and also im a debutante yay and I will be taking an ap class so pretty much my plate is full and also I will be a part time student and part time employee at dsw I love that place!! And tonight was really fun i didnt think it would be as fun as it was. I guess sometimes you have to stop assuming and just let it flow. One of my customers told me to never assume but its so hard because you feel like you noe the answer for everything but i have actually been proven wrong i'd assume?! but im so tired but not ready to go to sleep im off tommorow and want to sleep but i have to go to this fresh start program at my school so0o i have to wake up early for that ugh!? but anyway i have been having these dreams back to back and im wondering should i believe them or should i just ignore them i mean the person isnt in my life anymore so im not tryna to bring the past up but 2 days in a row kind of creeps me out big time?! now if tonight i have one of him then something has to give dont you think?! but im watching my brother play his game and i just cannot figure out how he can do it for hours and hours he's only 11 ugh but my faithful readers i will hopefully get to write tommorow if it is god's will... toodles!

Dear Mr. Right

I am waiting for you, I was searching for you and thought i had found you years ago but it wasnt you i found myself knocking at the wrong door and when that person did open the door i noticed nobody lived there! at least real true love wasnt present. So as i patiently waited for your arrival to come i started looking for you knocking on every door that came towards me and i have answered them and they seemed to all be wrong. They have all left a mark on my doorway and i had noe say so as to who could of stayed and who left. I believe each and every person that left a mark made me even stronger than before and as i go through each and every trial i see clearer and start to figure out the puzzle of life. Im just really tired of waiting i want to feel the happiness again i want to be able to wake up and just noe that if the world is mad at me at least i have you on my side. My trust is way out the window and my emotions constantly got hurt that if i was to ever love again i would need direction and assistance. My heart died a long time ago when my first try of love was broken. Seems like i jump from door to door just to feel a second or breeze of happiness can i have a feeling of happiness for eternity? You wont even believe what i do often... I have to sit and cry just to feel at ease i constantly ask god why havent you been here yet? Why do i seem to be in a circle and im always the one that ends up short? Maybe its genetics my mother hasnt found that one person neither has my aunt. I always pray that i can be just like my other aunt she has the perfect life consisting of a faithful husband 3 beautiful kids and a beautiful home what more could she ask for thats my dream one day... But mr.right when you do come just know you have a lot of dirt to clean and i may not budge the first couple of times but please be patient as i have been for you because i dont think i could ever trust again.....

what a night?! 8/9/2009

Wow tonight was a night to definely not forget! I find it quite weird that in my generation why cant boys be civilized and happy with the ones they have why go out your way and cause trouble? This is how i put it once your in a relationship and you start to see someone else that may sound better walk better look better it is not always better! The prettiest girl in the world could be the most dumbest stressful and all the above person in the world... Why try to mess up one thing when you noe once you leave the one you like for the one you love the one you love will leave you for the one they like! that is such a true statement i find it hard to believe at times but when you finally have to deal with that situation thats when you can belive a lot that sounded silly at first! I find it funny that i had my all in this one situation but my heart was in another and guess what my all is gone and my heart is hurt. Im so0o done with those situations i guess you'd say lets just hit reality i think in reality my night and shining armor is right in my face and i choose to bling myself for a reason and that was because i wanted more then i needed! i find that odd eh? You only get one chance with people that first impression and when you ruin it you cant help but try again but they wont allow you... boys are drama point blank period when madness can overpower being smart thats when this world is really going thru it! I love being alone sometimes it gives me that assurance that i noe i wont get mad at myself i cant cry over anything or about anything although you get tired of being lonely but its fine sometimes when i lay in my bed i thank god that he allows me to be so strong like i am... I plan to go to church tommorow and ask him to help me out even more and make me an even stronger young lady. As im growing into a women i love that part about life.... Well im getting a little tired so i believe its time to call it a night thanks to all the people that read my blog you give me more of a reason to continue to write... Night my loves!

8/6/09 On my mind?!

So its midnight and its also a storm tonight and it got me thinking a lot. Today seemed like any other day to me. Cheer Family stress the usual its not the fact that im not happy its just that i try to seek my happiness in people instead of seeking it myself!!!! Once again i made another friend a foe ughhhhh can people just be a little caring please. i really dont ask that much of anyone. So i did have a boyfriend for a good maybe 6 and a half days haha it went good at first but when it came to the end thats when it kind of shattered. See i guess the difference between me and a lot of girls is i want attention a lot.... this is only when im in a relationship not when im single of course i would have to do that on my own but im just saying like i enjoy a phone call every night just saying " hi baby how was your day?" even though we had been texting like all day ya no something like that shows you care i mean is that me being a bit clingy? i mean texting is so0o overated i get so tired of it. if you can text me you love me you can text the world you love them to0o! One of my co-workers one day told me that if someone cant call you and tell you things but only text then they dont mean it! reason being is because in a text message you dont see nor no what that person is thinking or saying while typing that message! i find that very clever of him to think that! but you know what i think that we overlook the people that really mean good but show as bad?! I mean its this one person that ive known for forever literally and i cant see him as anything more than a friend but he is always here i question myself sometimes and think could i take him serious though?! idk... but you no the saying you cant have your cake and eat it too.... well i had two people that i was talking to and guess what now i have none hahaa well i guess that transitioned the way it was suppose to oh well... life goes on tommorow is a brand new day i have cheer tryouts tommorow ready or not... then i have to work a few hours later... friday is going to be my sleep in day seriously im debating if i should cut my phone off that whole day just to ignore anything that can make that day a negative one and if not cut it off at least ignore it and keep it on silence and dont text back nor call back i need to regain some things i believe thats why i need that and i think i will actually do it it sounds like a plan!!! But i guess that was all that was on my mind as of now wish me luck tommorow though i have confidence that i will make it so0o we will see!!! toodles

Around midnight!

So i was listening to jazmine sullivan and she has this song called round midnight. its funny because its midnight and not only that but memories really do start when it comes around that time. its like they just pour into my head and i start to think about exactly what i was doing so long ago at this time and boy oh boy i was doing a lot whether it was crying, laughing, joking around, coping with the present, having long talks on the phone. its so0o confusing the way life is. i find it so weird that when you really are having fun time flies so fast and when you are having that fun what can you do ya no... i constantly think of what could i do if i didnt want this perfect night to end but it has to then the next day is a nightmare. i wonder why that happens? 16 and pregnant is very good i think it reaches out to a lot of pregnant teens that need guidance in a way or teens that are on the verge of having kids. those kids that are born around this time are going to be a huge generation. i hope their lives are way better then our generation because we are all directed in the wrong pathway to0o me! haha well anyways this upcoming weekend i have to work at dsw and i am going to kings dominion with my friend dsean and his family it should be fun i cant wait actually. i havent been there in a long while!!! haha but i guess this is about it im getting pretty darn tired and i have to take my mom to work in the morning idk when is the next time i will post something but hopefully soon!!!!

mistakes or just the wrong person?

Ok so this has really been bugging me for a long period of time! How is it that everyone that i have ever been with is happily taken and im stuck still in the single pool?! seems like it took them noe time but me on the other hand im still awaiting my prince charming! I mean what do i do that makes me remain single for so long? im thinking should i change but i was getting my hair done today and the lady that does my hair said something so important today that i couldnt let it slip my mind. ive noticed that sense i have changed i havent did nothing but mess up mess up mess up. finally i know the reason because how can i be someone im not obviously im not suppose to be like this because if i was i think i would see things way more clearer then i see now. It is pretty blurry from what i see... when i was the regular antoinette my life was on diamonds and pearls now that i have changed to this little alter ego "nette fierce" or "nette" i havent had any good luck ive had days were they are the best but that next day will be the worst?! i wonder why that happens because im being who i am not. the real me is way far from what i am now. Antoinette enjoys writing, being in love, talking on the phone for hours rather then texting, wearing whatever is comfortable and not trying to impress the next eye, being at home and not worrying about anything, cheering, not having to work for my happiness and ive always said that until i changed. the sad part about this all is that i cant go back i have to continue to move forward, but maybe i can start being me just in an improved mature way... i will only have happiness if i am me and not pretending to be someone else.... although i dont ever pretend to be someone else i just try to change myself into someone that is so0o different and now i see i need to just take myself as i am. have you ever felt like you have been making too many mistakes in life? well maybe god has shown you the message already its not regrets its not silly careless mistakes its just that the way you are or have become maybe isnt a way he wants you. i guess from now on i will do my best to stop becoming someone im not... hope you can do the same.....

Whats on my mind 6/24/2009

So0o on this glorious hot day i had a lot of down time to just think about a lot. For starters as usual boys!!! haha why do they treat us the way they do right? In my opinion i believe that all the good ones are either gone or dead. My aunts and uncles steady tell me all the time that by the time I'm older i will not get married and even if i do it will be to the wrong person and most likely divorce will be the biggest factor for my generation!! why is that? i guess because now and days boys are seeing that why tie down to 1 and not have them all. It's like us girls don't have any control anymore. we want happiness but we only seek it in him and he does give it to us but for a temporary time. Why do we allow boys to control that we know all the quotes and all the rules etc.. but we still tend to let things ride?! i guess its because we feel like we have know choice which in adults case they all sometimes don't but us girls do... idk its so confusing in this world of sin... but on better news i am finally 17 yay rated R movies haha not a little girl anymore one more year and i will be 18 and a graduated student from high school!!! yess well anyway i have been going to the beach like almost every day and i have completely turned black haha i mean that's not bad but i loved my skin color haha but yeah. and i love my friends they are all still here as usual although girls can get urrrgh toward each other but its okay!! and i have a new job at dsw shoes i love it although there is a theft there! but I'm like in shoe heaven when i work there I'm gladly to help a customer!! but any who school is over finally and cheer is still here haha but i do need to work it its just about that time.... Well this was all i really had on my mind maybe one day i can answer the questions i say and maybe one day hopefully soon i will find a boy that stands out from the rest of them =)

What if we could relive the past?

I was just thinking like what if we could really relive the past. Like if we could do what we do on computers and just hit the back button and go back and erase it and start over! I know my past is what helped me get this far in life but what if the choices i made in my life didnt happen would my life be worst or better. I guess thats why people believe in resurrection, they just know that they may have messed up in this lifetime but god will resurrect us in a world will no more pain nor outcry would even be discovered. Now is that a world that we want? i pretty much wouldnt mind if i didnt have to cry at all thru life but how could i let the steam or pain i have go but then that when no more pain comes in so i guess that goes hand in hand. It seems like to me i rush things so much and dont realize how much time i have at least hypothetically speaking. I always say i want this and want that but i dont never think that im maybe not ready for that or better yet maybe it came i just didnt realize it. I swear i love my family seems like without them i would be an emotional wreck just for no reason! Its so many things in this world that we all cant put our finger on but like we always say in DUE time it will come and i no trust i hate waiting and its crazy because they say when you want something go out and get it but what if we go and get it its not what we need or better yet we wait for something for so long and it wasnt even what we wanted... its so much to be solved at least to me...

Its the way life goes i assume!

In my opinion we forget the main thing of our lives... Its ours, we shouldnt give anyone our all if so at least a portion reason being is because although you may think that person is your number one but really he is the last one... when you give a boy your all you come back short of yourself ask someone who knows which is me! They tell us that the perfect ending of life is to have a husband/wife and kids a nice big house and then your life is fulfilled why has that changed lately? you rarely see the ending like that anymore its more single parent households and trust they have given someone their all and now they have nothing... i have seen a woman come from having everything going to nothing its crazy how love is so blind... Say you fall in love with this boy that you think is so magnificent your friends say he is great for you then some say he isnt but you just care about you two. he tells you everything you want to hear " i love you baby", "you are so beautiful"," no other girls are like you"... and many more where that came from but the ultimate one is " i will never leave you". thats the one that kills alot they say they will be there forever and ever and never leave you... back on track so this boy is your dreams yeah you guys get into little fights but who doesnt right? its just normal little arguements... you go through his phone yeah he has a few texts from girls but they will never be you , he tells you once again he will never leave you you are his rock hahah.... (i just have to laugh cause this is so real) but then one day he doesnt pick up your phone calls and he doesnt call you all day so you begin to think maybe something is wrong with his phone because he couldnt be doing nothing else he loves me .... well the first thing in a relationship should always be trust if you dont have that you dont have anything oh you trust him alright but if he isnt answering your phone calls and not texting you back your mind does start to wonder what if this and what if this but you trust him so he couldnt be with no girl well sorry he is... who is faithful now and days? i have went across about a million of them and they say oh cheating is childish etc etc well obviously it isnt if you just can cheat on any girl oh they care about our feelings some dont but there are a select few... So he is with this girl and some girls are evil and they say " what ya girl have to do with me" trust its alot of them out there... (girls if a boy is in ah relationship leave him alone) anyways so he will most likely not even tell you unless its one of those truthful boys which will tell you the truth he want another girl which in a way is the perfect way of letting you go easily and there is nothing that we can do girls as much in our power we want them to be with us we cant hold on to something that doesnt want to be held on to!!! we cant have the whole cake and eat it too... Unfortuantely some girls have it the other way and can control their happiness but for the ones like me that have noe choice but to keep trucking it i believe the advice will be very useful.... As you can see i have written about it i have done something about it (exhale) and now i believe i can help others that have been through the samething i have i think i have been through it all if not i would hate to go through worst!!! but it took me so very long i broke up with this boy 2007 it is now 2009 and i finally can say its over and done with he has moved on and so have i although he has a girlfriend etc and im single we are still on the same page if not higher? but the moral of this post is to stop allowing boys to rule your happiness and if things arent going in your favor the person to turn to is god! seems as though he will have the better answer thats how i put it and see it... There is way more witht this comes from

4/13/2009 whats on my mind

Get ready for your blessing... Rip cousin james i just left new jersey sunday it was a very nice funeral havent been to one that was well put together like that one!!! but in greater news i have been having some great days and some are coming that are even better then now... i am finally focused on me ugh its been long enough and the only way i can keep it this way is if i stick my nose out of everything else so thats what ima do... but on my mind tonight is ring dance once again its approaching very quickly i have my dress now finally cant wait to reveal it its so pretty at least on me!!! hahah and hmm friends are on my mind jeeze they are all a pain in the butt, but oh well cant live without them as well as boys omg i never knew boys could become pest jeeze they bug me more then bugs outside and it is annoying leave me alone jeeze! its my life dont you forget hahah!! uhm but then again they arent all pest some bring joy not saying any names =)... but work ugh i have to tommorow i had a nice break from it and now i have to go in tommorow hopefully im working with ppl i care for so it will make it go quicker!!! Also i cant wait til this ring dance is over cause i am missing out on some serious shopping omg seems like all my dimes are going straight to that and i dont have any to spend to shop it is definably killing me... oh and omg this teen crime stuff omg i wish teens would grow up and understand that killing eachother dont make you cool at all what the heck like so many teens keep dying and its sad if its not car crashes its gun downs... get a hobbie and not killing people jeeze rip isiah and kadeem jeeze... also this sexting that the news is going crazy about girls come on if they cant wait to see it in person dont send it just imagine how a text gets to another person it goes through the company first imagine millions of ppl looking at your body im not saying im a saint but you learn from your actions in my opinion... and omg im scared for my life there has been 3 fires in my neighborhood within nine days im terrified to leave home without my valuable belongings ugh!!! but anywho other then all that i believe that is it for tonight peace and love nette

whats on my mind (3/29/09)

Oh man i have wrote anything lately due to me moving... Anyhow landstown is doing well just worrying about myself as usual and my friends! they say i have changed so much but i believe i just matured... Wow so alot has been on my mind like ring dance which landstown's is april 25 which it sounds far away but its closer then you think... Im growing up so fast and i cant even slow it down if i tried just gotta live everyday how it is... But also that very subject has been on my mind yes.... Love & relationships... I been single for a good two going on three months and boy am i lonely lol. Seems like all the people i come across arent worth my time and even if they are they can never stay... I just want someone that will drift me off my feet and thats all he doesnt have to have all the money in the world he definely doesnt have to be prince charming but here and there i just want to be treated like a queen rather then just any other girl which i know alot of girls can relate... Seems like all the good ones are pretty much either taken or gone... Sometimes i ask myself am i asking for to much in a boy but then i think actually im asking for too little and its not even fair. I may be a brat sometimes and a little on the spoiled side but i have learned that if nobody else will get it then i will go out and get it myself but the only thing that that doesnt apply to is boys.. I may see a boy i am so interested in but i will not go up to him and talk to him instead i tell a friend and thats it. So really i never get exactly what i want but god gives us what we need and not what we want so its very understandable but another thing that has been on my mind is work (finishline) omg is it not kicking my butt work is so stressful but i choose to deal with it because it shows independence as well as i am a licensed teen heck yeah! but thats about it i guess... i hadnt wrote in ah while so i thought to update you all and i see people do really look and read my page thanks for the support....

Saying goodbye to SALEM is more like saying see you later

So this junior year of mines i started it off being a salem sundevil early in the year if anyone called me that i would get annoyed but i actually was starting to like it i still dont like salem but i was getting used that instead of fighting it why not just appreciate it. I'd have to say salem has had a big impact on me and i may not be the same not in a negative way but in a postive way. People used to tell me all the time its nothing but drama but in my opinion its just like a regular high school. That school has great spirit although theres no windows in like majority of the classrooms and the hallways are small and the lights are very dim i still kinda felt welcomed. I guess not knowing everyone was cool and people to me were friendly some! but salem brought the great person out of me and i was much happier with that person so i will continue to stay that person until i can be better then that person. Going back to landstown maybe another chapter in my life last time i was there i was a tottally different person and now i am a mature young lady and i have alot going for me now then i did then so i believe landstown may bring even better happiness although i wont be in there 4 blocks a day i will still feel the vibe i did back then but in a better way. I may not be cool with everyone in there but i at least know i will have my select few and thats all that matters going back not only cause im moving but because at heart im a eagle lol.... to be continued...

From the bottom of my heart "brain"

Did you know that your emotions of love comes from your brain and not your heart? I know some people thought i was stupid to not know myself but i was the one to tell alot that didnt know. So this whole time im thinking its my heart that is giving me problems when its really nerves in my head that are making me feel this way! They say that the certain nerves light up when we see that person that we have alot of love for... They also mention this little drug called dopamine....Something like cocaine, basically love gives us a high everyone is addicted to love... So i guess it makes sense all these times i try to get love out of my heart it never worked now i know the real location and maybe can work on it now even better how about you?

EX-hale

I was just sitting in my room one day thinking like why am i always confused about my love life? a question that arrives everyday basically if not with myself then my friends. I know you hear all the quotes and they say leave the past in the past etc etc.... well finally i took the initiative to listen to them. I always said i was over my past but was i really? if i could steady keep turning back very easily then something wasn't done. Out of all things my past has to be the worst at least to me. we all have done things we wish we didn't do but we learn to accept them which i have, But have we all learned to accept that our EX'S are called that for a reason? Xed out of our life basically is what we should refer them as. I out of all my friends have the most past that has bitten me back so hard but finally i have learned to take charge and say "NO". It hurt truly it hurt and i felt bad that i did it, i hurt them, (two wrongs don't make a right) but when they felt like i felt it made me feel strong to see someone fall before me and not me fall before them. Love ooh that tricky four letter word is so complicated. I hate to see people sad,mad, not satisfied ya know the usual and i had to think well me satisfying them isn't making me happy which it wasn't i was basically living for them and not myself. When they used that word we both abused the true meaning of it. So anyway back to X's... One day i proposed that me and my friends take a day and actually read all the stuff our X's have given to us from a t-shirt to a letter. I read all the things i had written when i was so called in love and wow it took me down memory lane but i thought to myself know wonder i cant get over the past is because I'm allowing it not only to store in my room but it was in my heart to and boy it was in a huge part of it. So being all said i know you all have seen " waiting to exhale" well that's what we called this little get together and i ended up ripping all the things that were told to me over the years by these X's and yes eyes did water and it did hurt but it felt good at the same time i put them in a pot took the pot in my backyard lighted a match and set those past memories on fire and ugh just to see all that stuff go in flames i felt evil but then i felt relieved like a burden was lifted off my shoulders and keep in mind i had stuff from 2005 don't ask why i kept it. Now that all that is gone i have room for my present and future and it felt great. You should try trust it will help. Although you do have to have the will and power to actually say NO and keep with your word and you cant do it on your own you have to have your support system (best friends). Well i hope this will benefit someone in the long run. peace & Love....